


Come back to me

by weepingelm



Series: Come Back to me [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Afgan War, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Army, Complete, Executions by beheading, Homophobic Language, Injury, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6547246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingelm/pseuds/weepingelm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is married to a soldier but he was anxious as Merlin went of to fight in the war in Afghanistan would his fears materialise and how would they all cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur led in bed looking down at the raven haired man at his side, he was soaking up the sight, knowing it would be at least six months before he got to see the sight again. He would take a photo if it didn’t seem so creepy. Worry clenched at his gut and he just wanted to clutch Merlin to him and not let him go. Which was stupid, Merlin was a Lieutenant in the British Army who had worked his way up from the ranks and knew just what he was doing.

Arthur knew this would happen one day, but it didn’t make it any easier. They had been together for two years and married for one, so he had no real reason to complain. Up to now his husband had only been away for short periods at a time. But now, later today, he was leaving to go to Afghanistan on a six month tour and it scared the hell out of the blond. He knew that a great many soldiers were seriously injured if not killed in the war and selfishly he didn’t want Merlin to become one of them. Merlin had tried to reassure him, after all he had already served in Iraq, Bosnia and Kosovo in his ten years of service. But it hadn’t worked, Arthur would prefer it if his husband had a safer career, but he wouldn’t interfere, he knew what Merlin did for a living when they first met and went in with his eyes open. But at least, when in the UK, the Welsh Guards were posted in London. With training trips to Salisbury Plain and the Brecon Beacons. Merlin had gone on an exercise to Germany and to Canada but this was the first War zone he had been to since they had got together. 

Merlin stirred and opened his eyes and looked up see Arthur leaning on one elbow and staring at him “Hi awake already?” came the sleepy voice.

“I haven’t slept well” Arthur admitted “I’m going to miss this, waking up with you next to me” 

Merlin reached up and pulled Arthur down onto him “Then let’s not waste time” he grinned.

An hour later they were both sitting at the breakfast bar eating a full English breakfast. Arthur insisting that Merlin eat well before they had to leave. Arthur was pushing his food round his plate hardly touching a thing. Merlin looked at him “Stop that and eat!” he glared “I need to know you will look after yourself when I’m not here.”

“I’m not the stick insect” Arthur protested “It’s you that’s too thin” he knew that Merlin had a wiry frame that was deceptively muscular. Merlin was very fit he needed to be. Reaching across to touch Merlin on the cheek with his hand, Arthur tried to hide his concern. After all he was a Pendragon and they were made of harder stuff. “I worry that without me to keep an eye on you, you will fade away” 

Merlin snorted “Oh yeh! You forget I’ll have Gwaine trying to mother me. He’s worse than you!” Merlin smiled at the thought of his Sergeant “How the hell he keeps his Sergeant stripes I’ll never know.” 

At first Arthur had been jealous of the Sergeant in Merlin’s troop, but soon learnt that the gregarious man looked on Merlin as a younger brother. He would do anything to keep Merlin safe. Even if his methods often got him in trouble with the higher ranks. But Merlin was just as loyal and fought for his friend. They were a close group and all looked after each other, Arthur had met several of them over the years. The fact that Merlin had risen through the ranks helped, he knew what his men were going through. Gwaine had become a close friend to Arthur, and he trusted him to keep an eye on Merlin when he couldn’t be there.

It was strange that Arthur should feel so protective of Merlin, who after all was fully able to look after himself and, the blond thought, was much braver than him. But in their personal and private life Arthur appeared to be the stronger character. Independently wealthy and the Vice President of a large multinational company Arthur had an air of leadership about him. Something Merlin liked when he was home. He led in the field with no hesitation, but secretly liked the feeling of security he got from Arthur. The fact that he could let go and allow someone else to take charge. They were a well match couple.

Merlin had blossomed further due to the fact that Gays were now far more accepted in the military. When he had first joined up he had had to hide his orientation. There was still some prejudice, but his commander and troop knew and were supportive 

After breakfast they got in the car to drive to the barracks and say their final goodbyes. Hunith, Merlin’s mother, would meet them there. Arthur’s sister, Morgana, was picking her up so she could see her son off. Arthur had invited her to stay with them but she insisted that the two men had time to themselves. The farewells were emotional and once Merlin was gone Arthur took Morgana and Hunith out to lunch although none of them felt like eating.

Arthur looked at his mother in law “How do you do it?” he asked 

“I don’t like it any more than you Arthur, I never wanted him to join up in the first place, but there was nothing for the young lads in Ealdor. Most of them joined the army. But with him being gay and having to hide his true self, it seemed the wrong choice. But it has done him good. He has so much self-confidence now, not like the timid youngster he once was. He was bullied a lot as a child, he wanted to get away” Hunith paused “At least now he hasn’t got to hide his orientation, although it can still be difficult for him.” she paused thinking what Merlin would have done had he met Arthur whilst homosexuality was illegal in the forces. 

“I pray for him and just hope he comes home. When we lost Merlin’s childhood friend Will, in Iraq, that was hard, I suppose that bought it home like nothing else did” Hunith hugged Arthur “We just have to believe, anyway now he has you to come home to!”

Morgana looked at her brother and Hunith “Come on Guys, Merlin wouldn’t want this” she told them “At least you have Skype now, I suppose there was a time you would only have had letters”

In the following weeks and months Arthur threw himself into his work which at least pleased his father. Uther Pendragon was a hard man to please and their relationship had been strained since Arthur had come out. But at least in his own way he approved of Merlin, as much as he could of any man that was attached to his son that is. Arthur lived between one skype call and the next and the calls were always short and didn’t really tell him anything. He visited his mother in law every weekend, after all he had promised Merlin he would look out for her. 

But the months dragged by and Arthur’s concern increased in line with the reports of injuries and deaths, so much so that he didn’t watch the news for fear of what it would tell him about the fighting in Helmand. He could see the change in Merlin when they spoke, and he didn’t like it, he knew Merlin was trying to hide things from him, one because they couldn’t discuss operational issues and also because he was trying to stop Arthur worrying. Morgana and Leon dragged him out once a fortnight for drinks, his sister refused to let him ‘mope’ although he knew she was also worried about Merlin. The empty side of their king size bed mocked Arthur every night and made falling asleep hard.

In Afghanistan Merlin was tired, and like all the men he found the fighting hard and brutal. The amount of men they were losing to IED (Improvised Explosive Devises) was growing. The loss of limbs and damage to the perineum’s worried many of the men. So much so that many had taken to wearing tourniquets so they could be tightened quickly by their colleagues if the worse happened. The protective garments helped but even so there wasn’t a troop that hadn’t been hit one way or the other. The terrain made fighting extra difficult as was the heat. But they had one month left before they were due to fly home. Every day was now being counted. Now Merlin was a married man he also had to cope with the loneliness of not being with Arthur. Something when he had had to keep his homosexuality secret hadn’t been an issue. Then home was for partying and drinking, and visiting his mother.

One morning Merlin called his men together they were to take a chinook to an area that needed reinforcements. He found Gwaine and got him to round up the remaining men, they were a good team and Merlin knew them all well. He had been devastated when David had been killed a couple of weeks previously. The man had two small children. That was the trouble with working and living so close together it made any loss or injury that much more difficult to accept. Having come up through the ranks Merlin was even closer to his men than normal, he always said cut one of them and they all bled. 

As they flew towards the drop area Merlin gave his men their orders and they made sure they were ready to exit the helicopter and hit the ground running. The Taliban was making life difficult in this area for the local civilians and it was hoped with the reinforcements they could push them back from the village before nightfall. As they headed towards the landing area they were fired on by land to air missiles and hit. The pilot did his best to control their descent but they hit the ground hard, even though they had been flying low. They were still several miles from where they were supposed to be. Dazed and not sure where he was hurting Merlin looked at his men. He could see Gwaine and a couple of the other men were up on their feet and checking the rest of the troop. Then his friend helped him to his feet


	2. Chapter 2

As Merlin stood up Gwaine looked at him as if to check him out. “Come on Merl we need to get out of here” Gwaine sounded concerned as he looked at the devastation around them “There is only six men left who can move, the rest are either too badly injured, dead or soon will be”

Merlin shook his head “I’m not leaving the injured”

“We can’t do anything! The enemy will be on us before we know it” Gwaine hated the thought of leaving the men as well but could see no alternative “Pellinore has got off a mayday. We will have air cover soon but we need to get in a better position.”

“Then you lot go, I’ll stay here and try to give you time” Merlin said resolutely 

“You have to be joking right?” Gwaine snarled “We all go or none of us”

Merlin’s tone of voice changed it was clear he would tolerate no objections “I’ve given you an order Sergeant, leave me the mortar and get the walking wounded out of here” Merlin looked at his friend “Don’t be a fool they need you”

Pellinore shouted out “To late we can’t go anywhere” he pointed at a large number of Taliban soldiers arriving in an assortment of trucks from two directions. 

Gwaine looked out of the shell of the crashed chinook “Fuck” was all he said as he aimed his rifle.

“Get down men, take what shelter you can.” Merlin moved stiffly to a better position and looked out before turning to his friend “It’s been a pleasure knowing you my friend”

Gwaine grimaced “Same here, let’s take as many of the bastards as we can down with us” 

Pellinore had finished giving details over the radio and stood at Merlin’s other side ready to shoot or give directions over the radio if help arrived in time. The other men, even some of the injured found a place to shoot from and waited. Merlin looked at them “Make every shot count men, I am proud to have served with you all”

 

Back in London Arthur had arrived back home after a long day at the office, he had recently started going to work every morning at seven thirty, so he could make sure he kept everything up together, that way when Merlin come home he could take time off to be with him. It was a Friday night and he knew Hunith would already be in the house as she had come to London for the weekend. Merlin’s mother wanted to do some Christmas shopping and was planning on spending a couple of days out with Morgana. He knew both women were determined to have a good celebration since Merlin would be back in time. Arthur smiled at the thought of seeing Hunith because he knew she would have cooked him a hot meal. After he and Merlin had started to date Hunith had soon become like a mother to the blonde, something that until he had met Merlin he had never experienced. He knew his sister felt the same way as she was drawn into Hunith’s net. The woman seemed to have an endless supply of love. At least, Arthur thought happily he wouldn’t be coming back to an empty house. He was also looking forward to hopefully having a skype call from Merlin later that evening. They managed a couple of times a week usually, it wasn’t enough but Arthur knew how lucky he was to get that. 

As soon as he opened his front door he was met by delicious smells of cooking. “That smells great Hunith” he called out

“Thank you dear boy, I hope you don’t mind but I have invited Morgana and Leon over, it’s so long since I have seen either of them. I know I am shopping with Morgana tomorrow” Hunith turned to Arthur as he walked into the kitchen. She had a slightly worried expression.

Arthur smiled “You can invite whoever you like if I get to have food cooked by you! Anyway I have told you I don’t know how many times you are to treat this house as your own.” 

“I know you have Arthur” Hunith kissed his cheek “You are a good man and Merlin is lucky to have you”

“Not as lucky as I am to have him….only don’t tell him that!” Arthur told Hunith.

“Oh I think he knows what you feel for him”

“The last couple of weeks are going to drag, I don’t know how you cope with it” Arthur said not for the first time.

“You have to remember Merlin hasn’t lived with me since he joined up at 17. So I don’t feel it as acutely as you do” Hunith admitted. “I’ve had ten years to get used to it. But I do worry when he’s in a war zone” her face fell as she thought of her son. “He is such a gentle soul it’s hard to think of him shooting at people. I know he does but…….”

“I know what you mean. But he is immensely loyal and protective and I suppose that’s how he does it.” Arthur admitted. “I hope we can talk to him later”

Arthur had always had trouble picturing the kind and gentle man he knew with his occupation. In fact when they had met he seriously thought Merlin was having him on. He was sure he was a primary school teacher or a doctor.

It would be an hour before Arthur’s sister and her husband Leon arrived so Arthur went to have a shower and change. Then he sat with Hunith and watched the six o’clock news as she liked to. It bulletin started with breaking news from Afghanistan. The reporter said “A chinook helicopter full of troops had been shot down by the Taliban, Full details have yet to be released but we will keep you up to date as soon as information becomes available. It has been reported that there are casualties, but numbers have yet to be confirmed.”

Hunith and Arthur looked at each other, neither willing to say anything. The news then continued with other matters. Before the news finished Morgana and Leon arrived so Arthur switched the television off. They were soon sat down in the dining room tucking into a delicious meal when the doorbell rang. Arthur frowned but got up and went through to answer the door, half expecting one of his neighbours. As he opened the door he saw a man and woman in uniform. Arthur’s heart dropped and he sagged even before they said anything.

“Mr Arthur Pendragon?” the man asked  
“Yes” Arthur forced out, his chest tight and heart pounding.

“My name is John Brown and this is Mary Collins we have some news about your husband. May we come in?”


	3. Chapter 3

As Arthur stepped back from the door he knew he was shaking, once the couple were inside John spoke once more “First thing I need to say is we have NOT came to tell you your husband is deceased. Look can we get you sat down somewhere and we can discuss this calmly, do you have any one you would like us to call to be with you?”

Arthur hardly took in what they said, but he did pick up on the last sentence. “My sister is here, and Hunith, Merlin’s mother…….oh my god Merlin’s mother” thinking immediately how she would take any bad news.

Mary took Arthur’s arm and led him through the door into the sitting room. Looking around and seeing the room empty John asked “Where are they? Shall I get them?”

Arthur shook himself “I’ll get them” with that he went to the dining room. 

As he walked in Morgana said “We wondered who it was I was just going to come and get you” with that she looked at her brother and immediately sensed something was wrong, her brother looked pale and in shock.

Arthur looked at Hunith “It’s the army” he said “I….I think its bad news”

His knees started to give way as Hunith gasped and put her hand to her mouth. Morgana was immediately all action “Where are they?” she demanded

Mary and John had followed Arthur John looked at the family “We have already told Mr Pendragon that we are Not here with totally bad news. Look can we find somewhere to sit and we will tell you what we know.”

Morgana helped her brother to the living room and sat down as Leon walked with the shaking Hunith. Once they were sat on the long sofa together Morgana, Arthur, and Hunith for mutual support with Leon sitting on an armchair. John looked at Arthur from the chair opposite.

“As I said we have come with news of your husband, as far as we know he is alive. He and his troop were on the chinook that crashed earlier today after being hit by enemy fire, you may have heard the news. When the rescue helicopters arrived they found the dead and injured but six men were missing. One of whom was Lieutenant Emrys. Despite an extensive search, which is still going on they have not been found.” John let what he said sink in before continuing. “The information given to us from the injured, after they were rescued, point to them being taken prisoner by the Taliban” he paused “They have not yet contacted us, although they have claimed responsibility for the shooting down of the helicopter” 

He looked at the people in front of him with sympathy “You will of course be kept informed at all stages” 

Arthur had his head in his hands but looked up his eyes hard “What action will be taken to get my husband and the others back safely?”

“As we have told you a search is still in progress, Satellite photos are being studied, you may rest assured everything that can be done is being done.” Mary reiterated.

Hunith looked at the couple “They will be killed won’t they?” her voice breaking “Who else is missing, I know a lot of the boys…….is Gwaine safe?”

“I’m sorry Mrs Emrys at the moment because other families are being informed I cannot go into details” John said with sympathy.

Hunith snapped back and she snapped angrily, something very rare for her “It’s Ms Emrys if you don’t mind, and Gwaine Green made me his next of kin when his own mother passed on, he is like a second son to me” Hunith said 

Mary stood up and went outside, went outside and got on the phone immediately to check details, coming back quickly she said “I’m sorry Ms Emrys, we thought you were at your home address and weren’t aware of your next of kin status as someone else was dealing with Sergeant Green. I understand they went there to tell you.” She paused before saying with sympathy “Sergeant Green is also missing” 

Morgana put her hand on her brother’s arm. “He’s not dead Arthur, and until you hear otherwise you have to hold on to that. Merlin is a survivor you know that”

Arthur put his arm round Hunith who turned and cried on his shoulder. She was worried sick for both of her boys. 

“What happens now” Morgana asked as Arthur and Hunith were clearly and understandably in shock, she hadn’t noticed that Leon had gone off to make tea.

Mary continued to explain “Tomorrow you will be contacted by your assigned Visiting Officer who will liaise between you and the army, keeping you abreast of any developments. He will also help with any advice or help you require. I have been told you will be seen by Lance De Luc. We will ensure he is updated on information regarding Sergeant Green as well.”

At that Leon arrived with a tray of tea and after making sure everyone had a cup he sat down to listen and take in all that was said, knowing full well that neither Arthur or Hunith were in a fit state to do so. It was over an hour before they left leaving a distraught family behind them. After all no one was in any doubt that for anyone captured by the Taliban the outlook was not great. The Governments position was clear no deals would or could be made for release. 

The men in the wreckage of the chinook had soon been overrun by the Taliban fighters. There were just too many of them and Merlin had so few men capable of fighting back. Despite a valiant effort they were surrounded, having very little shelter from which to fight. As the fighting became close quarters it was soon all over, Except for the badly wounded there were only six men left standing, none of whom wanted to surrender, but to save their fellow soldiers Merlin was given no choice. It was either that or be shot down in cold blood. Whilst they were alive they would always have a chance to escape. The leader promised that if they threw down their arms they would leave the badly injured alone to be rescued and that swung it for Merlin. There were fourteen injured at least maybe more. Six men in exchange was an acceptable, if high, price to pay. They were immediately disarmed, tied up and made to get into one of the vans. Merlin was pleased to see Gwaine, Galahad, Pellinore, Mordred and Terry were uninjured and except for their battered pride and a few minor injuries, they were all apparently well. They were taken to a camp in the mountains and thrown in a cave. The leader told them they would be held for exchange for some of their own captured men. 

The following days were soul destroying for Arthur and Hunith, Merlin’s mother had accepted Arthur’s offer to stay in London, that way they could at least support one another. The following morning Lance De Luc arrived as promised and gave what support he could. He was a kind and pleasant man about the same age as Arthur. But without news there was only so much he could do. The couple were in limbo not knowing if Merlin, and Gwaine for that matter, were alive or dead. After three days Arthur returned to work. Morgana kept Hunith Company during the day. Arthur felt he had to do something or he would crack up, all he could do was imagine what his husband was going through. It had to be said he wasn’t much better at work and his father although initially sympathetic, as much as he could be, was soon losing patience with his son. 

On the third day after their capture came confirmation that the Taliban did indeed have the missing men. The news was broken to Arthur and Hunith by Lance. It seemed the Taliban announced the men’s capture by sending a film of the execution by decapitation of one of the men. Arthur’s first thought was to be thankful it wasn’t Merlin, then he immediately felt guilty as it was someone’s family member.

“Look the M.O.D has arranged a meeting for all the relatives tomorrow to update you all, can you come? The army will send transport” Lance asked, “They will answer what questions they can”

“Of course when and where?” Arthur said without thought, Hunith nodding her agreement, he wanted to know exactly what was being done and by whom. One of the worse things Arthur found was not being in control, not knowing everything that was happening. Give him a problem and he would work towards solving it, but he had no information…..nothing. He felt totally impotent for the first time in his life and he didn’t like it.

Lance ignored the snap in Arthur’s voice he understood what the other man was going through. “At the MOD offices in Whitehall 10am”

“We’ll be there” Arthur said without hesitation. 

“Good, hopefully by then we might have more news” Lance made the arrangements before leaving. 

Hunith agreed with Arthur that she wanted to go as well, she was worried sick about her son and Gwaine. Since hearing the news about the decapitation she was finding it hard to cope. Both of them had disturbed dreams. Arthur dreamt that he had woken to find Merlin’s severed head on the pillow beside him. After that he didn’t sleep he couldn’t shake the thoughts going through his head.

 

When they arrived at the Ministry it was the first time they realised who else was involved. Everyone looked like they had had as much sleep as Arthur and Hunith. As well as Merlin and Gwaine the captured were: Pellinore Drew, Galahad Jones and Terry Davis. Mr Drew told them it was Mordred Evans who had died, she had spoken to his mother who was a good friend and neighbour. It seemed that Mordred’s family didn’t mind them knowing but didn’t want the name leaked to the press while their grief was still so fresh. Arthur knew Mordred’s name but had never met him, but he did know he was one of the younger men. Merlin had said he showed great promise. Of the others he had met them all at one time or another but it was Gwaine he knew best. The troop was like a second family to Merlin had so Arthur by default had been drawn into the group. 

They were waiting in a small room to see both the Minister of Defence and one of the army Generals and started to get to know one another, after all they all realised they would rely on each other for support until they were reunited with their loved ones. When Arthur introduced himself as Merlin’s husband Mr Davis became agitated “You mean my son’s officer is a poof, is that allowed!”

Arthur held his temper, with difficulty after all he was used to his own father’s reaction, knowing that this was a highly emotional time for everyone. “Yes it is, my husband informed his senior officers years ago of his orientation. Before it was legal in the forces he denied himself a normal life refusing to acknowledge it even to himself. Thank goodness such things are no longer necessary. It has never effected his ability to do his job”

Hunith glared at the man “My son is as much a man as anyone. He has worked his way up through the ranks to get where he has, all of his men know, it’s no secret. In fact all the missing men went to the wedding, with the exception of poor Mordred, he is newer. If it’s good enough for your son it should be for you!”

Mrs Drew spoke next she clearly knew Mr Davis “Shut up Taffy, don’t be an idiot. He’s a good man, my Pellinore says he’s the best and looks after his men, so who cares what he does in his own time?”

“Yeh well he looked after um well this time didn’t he? Over half the troop dead and our boys captured” Taffy Davis spat out “That sort of thing ain’t god fearing” 

Arthur looked at the other man hardly believing what the man had said. “You say god fearing, well nor is killing, but our men are soldiers if you think about it, so stuff your god fearing ways”

Lance stepped in “Look ladies and gentlemen now is not the time for this” he looked at Taffy Davis “Sir your remarks are offensive and I’m sure if you weren’t stressed you would see that, so let’s calm it down and support each other, you are all in a similar situation.”

Luckily they were then called into the office where they were updated. It seemed the men’s position had still not been pinpointed but the Taliban had given proof that the remaining five men were still alive and well. 

“We continue to follow all intelligence. Private Evans body has been retrieved and is being flown home. The Taliban have yet to give us their demands for the release of the five remaining men but it is expected they will ask for a ransom” the Minister paused “You need to understand it is Her Majesties Governments policy not to give in to terrorists in this way. It would send a dangerous message and make all the men stationed in war zones a target. But everything is being done to find them”

Arthur understood the reasoning and had in the past supported it but now found himself willing to do anything for Merlin and the other men’s release. “Then I’ll personally pay it” he said bluntly

“What do you mean Sir?” the Minister asked

“It should be clear. Look I am independently wealthy I will pay any ransom! That way the government’s stance remains and we get our men back” Arthur said

“Mr Pendragon I do understand what you’re going through and I am sure if I was in a similar position I might well make the same offer, but it won’t be approved” the politician said sympathetically

“No you bloody don’t! That’s my husband and his friends out there. One has already had his head cut off! I won’t stand by and see the same happen to them, not if I can do anything to stop it. I don’t care if it takes every penny I have” Arthur’s voice rose in volume. “Other countries allow it. In fact other governments pay the ransoms, are our soldiers worth less?”

“No they are not! You know that” The general said calmly “If ransoms are paid it make more families go through the same thing and pays for arms that kill even more. Look everything that can be is being done” he paused “Do you think Merlin and the others would want their release at the cost of that?” 

 

“That’s alright for you, you have the money, what about our boys?” Taffy snarled

Hunith turned on the man “Why don’t you listen you fool! My son in law said he would pay all their ransoms!”

Taffy looked abashed as Arthur told him “I am independently wealthy as well as Vice President of a large Multinational company.” Looking at the General he added “We have a branch in France and I know they have paid ransoms for their nationals I will go through them if it makes you feel better. I don’t care if it costs every penny I have I want my husband and his men back”

The General looked at Arthur “Look son let us try our way first, I want those boys back as much as you, but paying them isn’t the way to do it, and as yet we don’t have their demands. I have men waiting to go in for a rescue when we find them. I and the rest of the forces won’t rest until we have them back. Private Evan’s death was a show killing to make sure we took this seriously. We won’t lose anyone else if there is any way we can stop it.”

They all left the meeting feeling no further forward. Galahad’s sister thanked Arthur for trying to help “I hope they find them, my brother is the only family I have”

Arthur looked at her and said “You have us now no matter what happens.”

They knew that they would have to wait for developments. Arthur wasn’t prepared for that, he had the bit between his teeth and wanted some guarantees so as soon as he got home he contacted the Prime Minister’s office direct. His family name was enough to get an appointment with the PM for two days’ time.


	4. Chapter 4

They had been captive for just over a day, they were left tied up hands and feet and their hands were released when they were fed. Even if they had only one meal that day and none the previous, although they had been given water. When they wanted to go to the toilet they were taken to a special area one at a time. That was the only time their feet were free. Their details had been taken from their identification tags as soon as they had arrived at the cave. 

The leader had arrived and spoke to Merlin alone in surprisingly good English even if it was heavily accented and broken. “We are asking for release of our men held by the coalition in exchange for you. Behave and you will be treated well. You are brave fighters. But to make sure they understand that we are not to be messed with we execute one of your men.”

Merlin was appalled “Then make it me” he said “They are my men, my responsibility, I will volunteer”

The leader gave Merlin a toothy grin “You Officer, no we keep you, but you can select your man, you have honour, have hour” with that he pushed Merlin back in with the others.

Merlin was stunned there was no way he would condemn one of his men to death. He didn’t answer the questions the others threw at him. In the end Gwaine was asked by the others to talk to Merlin “What’s up mate? What did they want?” 

Even in the semi darkness of the cave Gwaine could see real anguish in his almost brothers eyes. After some coaxing Merlin winced “They are going to kill one of you! They want me to choose who. I can’t do it. I asked them to take me but they wouldn’t”

Gwaine grimaced “Then choose me mate. Pellinore has kids, Mordred ain’t much more than a kid himself, Galahad’s sister relies in him and they have already lost everyone else. As for Terry he’s an only child. Me I have no one but you and your mum and I’ll probably drink myself to an early grave anyway.”

“Gwaine you’re my brother I can’t, I won’t choose any of you, they can’t make me. I have to make them take me” Merlin said his voice becoming firmer and more resolute. 

“Fuck Merlin don’t be daft, you are the one that will get them through this, and I’m damned if I am going back to tell Arthur what happened….or your mum. I promised them both I’d look out for you” Gwaine couldn’t bear the thought of Merlin being killed, not like this.

“Gwaine I don’t need looking after! And you have no choice, I am the officer here and it’s my job to look after all of you. I have already lost to many men I won’t lose one more” Merlin said adamantly. Then he fell into silence and Gwaine sat by him offering silent support. 

When the leader came again he looked at Merlin “Who”

Merlin stood to his full height wobbling slightly due to his bound wrists, ankles and hunger “Me”

The leader looked at him with respect “You are brave man, but no” he looked at the others as if calculating. Gwaine had got up when Merlin did, he moved forward “Then me”

“No, you second command, no we take him” he pointed to Mordred. Then looked at Mordred “You die soon, make your peace with your god” with that he walked out.

Mordred looked fearfully at Merlin who explained “He asked me to choose someone I said I would go, but he wouldn’t let me. I am sorry Mordred I will do my best to make them take me.”

Mordred surprised them all, as the others protested and offered themselves, the young man said “I don’t want to die, but if I must I will, can you tell my parents I died bravely and quickly, no matter what the truth”

When the leader came back and took Mordred another man grabbed Merlin and snarled “You watch, brave man die See how merciful we are”

The two men were dragged out into the open where they were surrounded by Taliban soldiers. Mordred looked at Merlin “Thank you Sir, it’s been an honour to serve with you” then he was pushed roughly to his knees and his head pushed down. 

Merlin struggled but knew it was in vain so instead he said to the young man “It I that am honoured. Your bravery will be acknowledged and I will make sure your family are looked after”

Mordred had thought he was going to be shot. He didn’t see what Merlin did. A man approached and Merlin realised what he was about to witness. The leader who was at Merlin’s side said “Watch your man die a brave death. If you had not come to our country he would have lived to old age with his grandchildren round him. Do not disgrace him by turning away, let him know you stood by him”

The beheading was quick but something that would stay with Merlin and haunt him. He noticed someone filming the execution on a mobile phone and winced. There was much cheering amid the fighters as Mordred’s head was held aloft. The others were brought out the cave and loaded onto a truck. Merlin was put with them. All the men saw Mordred’s head, which had been put at the side of the road on a piles of stones. They were then driven off to a new hideout. Merlin was sick to the stomach and dreading what the future would bring for his men. Gwaine and his men left him alone to compose himself the best he could, none of them really believing what had just happened. Gwaine knew that Merlin would be blaming himself. 

After the family meeting the evening news announced of the capture of the men, and the next day it was in the newspapers, although no names were released. The fatalities of the crash were also revealed it was the largest single amount of British dead since the start of the war in one incident, and Arthur and the other relatives couldn’t escape seeing about the details as they were everywhere. It wasn’t long before the captured men’s mans were leaked to the press. Arthur was asked to speak to the press but refused, he saw no benefit in doing so. Either for himself or the men concerned. It did make his life harder as anyone who knew him seemed to think they had the right to ask him questions. Once it was realised that Merlin was married to one of the country’s richest men and also gay the press seemed to concentrate on Arthur and Merlin. This at least gave the others some respite. 

Morgana and Leon shielded Arthur as much as they could and he got a separate phone and new number for the army and select friends, and didn’t answer his other one. Gwen his PA became extra protective of her boss and stopped unwanted callers to the office. Uther was less sympathetic “You both knew the risks, a soldiers life can be a dangerous one.” He had clearly heard of his son’s offer “Don’t be a fool over any ransom, we can’t be seen to be weak. You both knew what he was getting into. However I am less than happy about the publicity your relationship is attracting to the firm. We deal with conservative people and this ‘relationship’ of yours will not help the image of the company” 

Arthur walked away from his father without answering him, even though he wanted to punch the man. He was very close to giving in his notice, but knew this was not a good time to make such an important decision. Anyway he also knew that the clout he had a VP of Camelot was far higher than if he were just an individual, no matter how wealthy.

 

By the time of Arthur’s meeting with the PM another soldier had been executed by the Taliban, this time it was reported on the main news. Pellinore Drew was dead leaving a widow and two children as orphans. Now there were only four prisoners left. There seemed to be an inevitability that this would continue. The PM Bayard Mercia was sympathetic but Arthur saw through the facade the man was a professional politician, Arthur had no doubt that the man wanted the situation dealt with but he had a strong feeling that it wasn’t for the same reasons the relatives did. This was clearly something that the government didn’t not want dragging out, as there was already a strong public opinion growing against meddling in foreign countries no matter what the reasoning. 

 

Bayard told Arthur that they had received the demands and it was for a prisoner exchange, but that the men in question were in Guantanamo Bay and were near the top of the Taliban’s chain of command and high profile prisoners. Both the USA and the UK governments were very reluctant to consider the exchange. Arthur hiding his distress at the news asked if they would consider a cash payment. This was immediately put down “We cannot be seen to be giving in to terrorism in this way” the PM said 

Arthur wasn’t to be silenced “My Company has a large base in both the USA and UK we play a large part in the economy of both countries I must insist that everything must be done to help these men, who after all were sent to Afghanistan by the two governments, surely you owe them a duty of care!” He hesitated “I can go through a different government and will do if that’s what it takes” Arthur hated using his family name and power for personal reasons but he would do anything it took to save Merlin.

The PM looked at Arthur “This may sound harsh and insensitive but we have every reason to believe your husband is safe for now, as the officer he is the Taliban’s highest card. The two already dead were Privates. It is highly likely he will be kept alive the longest”

“You have to be joking! So I turn my back on the others! You are unbelievable” Arthur stood up and walked to the window twisting his wedding ring round and round on his finger. “I want something done, or I will, do it myself.”

“This is not to go out of this room for obvious reasons but we have a crack team of SAS waiting for the smallest chance and they will launch a rescue attempt. If you start offering money it will only make our job harder.” Bayard told Arthur “I understand intelligence is coming in all the time, you have to give us chance to do it our way. It has not even been a week yet. Also you need to consider all the other troops stationed out there who don’t have relatives who could fund a multimillion pound ransom, because have no doubt that’s what they will demand if you ask them, although I suspect they will turn you down anyway. They want their men back” he looked at Arthur this time with more genuine sympathy “I’m sorry I truly am but your husband knew what the risks were when he signed up, and if he were here I’m sure he would agree paying these people is not the answer. He wouldn’t want his rescue to endanger the rest of the army.”

“Maybe not but he wouldn’t have expected to just be left either, he wouldn’t have left any of his men” Arthur felt helpless. The meeting had not gone as he had hoped, but in reality he wasn’t sure what else anyone could do. His rational mind accepted the PM’s comments even if emotionally he couldn’t. After all what was the use of all his millions if he couldn’t use any of the money to save the person who meant the most to him. If Merlin got out of this alive Arthur intended to talk him into leaving the army and never leaving his side again.


	5. Chapter 5

In Afghanistan somewhere in the mountains the second execution had followed much the same procedure as before. Merlin was desperate to not allow a second man to die, so when asked to select a man he pleaded to be chosen and was again ignored. Once again the Taliban leader made his own selection and once again Merlin went with Pellinore to the execution and stood by his friend and fellow soldier. Unlike Mordred Pellinore knew what to expect. They had all seen Mordred’s body. Merlin would not have his man die without a friend nearby to support him on his last journey. Pellinore looked Merlin in the eye, clearly frightened but composed by the inevitability, Merlin was impressed by his composure and wasn’t sure he could have face death so easily.

Pellinore looked at his officer “Thank you Sir for being here. It will be quicker than an IED, Don’t blame yourself you did all you could. Can you tell my wife and kids I loved them and thought of them as I died, and I am sorry to leave them” He sounded almost resigned to his fate. “You know she wanted me to resign once we had kids. I should have listened to her.”

“I will tell her myself if I get back. We will look after them for you.” Merlin said making sure his voice as steady, it was the east he could do. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep the promise, but he also knew Arthur would help the families. As he thought of his husband Merlin felt close to breaking, how was he coping with the situation back home? By now Merlin knew that all the men believed it was unlikely that any of them would be saved. For all they all knew their Countries stance on such things. Merlin refused to take his eyes of the brave man even as he was forced to his knees. 

This time the executioner was a young man, full of hatred for the army who had come to his country. Merlin thought he was about eighteen. The young had less power and was clearly less practiced, it took three blows to separate the head. Merlin had a hard time not to throw up at the sight, he held his head high, and he hoped that at least that after the first blow Pellinore knew nothing, but he couldn’t be sure. 

Once more straight after the execution they were loaded into a truck and moved. And again they saw the head of their colleague on display. Merlin hadn’t told the others of the messy execution, after all they may yet all face the same, and he felt it better they believed it quick. That night once they were left in their new cell for the night the men started to try and plan their escape, something they had started as soon as they were captured, since Mordred they had decided better to die trying something than being led like lambs to the slaughter. But they all realised it was very unlikely they would succeed, and all they could do was wait and watch and hope someone made a mistake. The moral was at its lowest point and even Gwaine’s normally unstoppable good humour was absent.

Two days after his death Mordred Evan’s body arrived in England. Arthur and Hunith both went to Wootton Bassett and paid their respects as the cortege passed through the town. They felt it was the least they could do. Arthur had already told Lance to make sure the family had all the support they required, both now and later, he would pay any costs to the family.

Five days later was the funeral which Arthur and Hunith attended, it pushed Arthur over the edge and he broke down completely and could no longer face leaving their home. He refused to even get out of bed, no matter what anyone tried. All he could think of was Merlin and the danger he was in and how he might never see him again. It wasn’t until he saw Hunith and how it was affecting her that he managed to even eat. He knew he had to try to be strong for her, no matter how hard he found it. He owed that to Merlin if nothing else. The blonde knew how protective Merlin was of his mother. They leant on each other and together somehow got through each day.

The next two weeks got even harder, Lance visited daily and explained that contact was being kept up with the Taliban to put pressure on for the men’s release. But they knew that the Government would not back down on their stance. Then it was Pellinore Drew’s arrival and funeral, again Arthur and Hunith attended out of solidarity, but it once more emphasised just how precarious the remaining men’s situation was. Arthur and Hunith had regular nightmares and found sleeping difficult. They did keep in contact with the other families through Lance, but Arthur knew they were all in the same boat and fearing that the next fatality would be of their loved one. Arthur had given up all pretence of going to work, he had neither the interest nor inclination. Although Morgana tried to get him to do something to help take his mind, even briefly, from what was happening so far away. 

In Afghanistan the men were moved every few days and felt each extra day they were all alive was a bonus. Captivity was beginning to wear on them all, losing the others had heightened their feelings of mortality. Galahad had made one break for freedom when being taken to relieve himself but hadn’t got many feet before being brought down. They felt it was like they were being played with. Galahad was beaten as punishment and was black and blue. When the leader arrived and spoke to Merlin and the men warning them that they wouldn’t hesitate to kill if anyone tried again.  
Merlin snorted in disbelief. “You are going to kill us one by one anyway. It is our duty to try to escape.”

The leader looked at Merlin with contempt then looking at the other three he said something to his men, guns were pointed at the others as Merlin was grabbed and forced to the floor face down. He was held down and his arms released. For a moment both Merlin and the others thought he was going to be killed but the leader glared at Gwaine, Galahad and Terry 

“You try to escape again, you be beaten, but your officer have his right hand cut off. This time we spare him but you need to understand.” With that he nodded to two of his men who started to flog Merlin with a five inch leather strap called a dura. 

Merlin bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself crying out. His thin shirt doing nothing to stop the pain as the dura hit him again and again. This continued for some time as a hundred lashes were given. Whilst the flogging took place Gwaine cursed them with such a vocabulary that the other men had almost been impressed. When the punishment stopped the leader spoke once more “Remember next time worse.” 

With that he ordered Merlin’s arms tied once more and they left the room. Immediately the other three approached Merlin, with their hands behind their backs there was little they could do. Gwaine sank down beside Merlin and looked at his back, the shirt now shreds. Merlin’s back and buttocks red and would clearly be covered in bruising later, luckily he only had a few broken areas of skin. Gwaine gently eased himself under Merlin’s head so his officer was resting on his lap and out of the dust. At some stage Merlin had lost consciousness and Gwaine let him be knowing he would be in pain once he woke. 

Afterwards Merlin once he had woken and recovered sufficiently to speak he ordered them to take whatever chances they could, even if it meant just one person survived. “Don’t listen to their threats against me, we need to make sure some if not all of us survive. I will gladly lose a hand if it means one of you gets home.” He paused then added “Better a hand than a head”

The captives were becoming weaker through lack of food and exercise, although they did their best to stay fit, even though they remained tied. Their clothes were now practically rags and stank as they still had not been given the chance to wash. They all had facial hair and all the men felt slovenly and that did not help the moral. Having once Merlin had recovered sufficiently he offered as much encouragement as he could and they continued to invent games to keep themselves occupied they also watched carefully for any weakness in the enemy.

When the day the men had been due home arrived Morgana made sure she would be with Arthur and Hunith for the day. Both had lost weight with the worry and she was worried for both of them. Unfortunately Uther was getting impatient with his son. And chose that day to arrive at the house to lecture his son on his responsibilities. He arrived at eight in the morning on his way to work. Hunith hadn’t got up, having not fallen asleep until the early hours. Arthur was drinking his first tea of the morning when the elder Pendragon knocked on the door. Arthur opened it thinking it was Morgana and that she had forgotten her key. He saw his father and stepped back to let him in. Walking into the living room not even looking to see if Uther followed. Arthur had dressed that morning, but in joggers and a t shirt and had not shaved for a couple of days. 

As Arthur plonked himself down in Merlin’s favourite chair he looked up at his father. “What do you what?” he asked not really caring but knowing from his father’s demeanour it wouldn’t be good.

Uther’s lips pursed at his son’s tone “I am you father, speak with more respect” not getting a reaction he continued “Look at you! You are a disgrace, go and clean yourself up put on a suit and tie and then get to work. I am speaking as your employer as well as your father when I say you need to pull yourself together you have responsibilities and cannot expect your co-workers to continue to carry you.”

Still not getting a response he continued his voice impatient and scathing “Arthur you cannot carry on this way, he knew what the risks were and so did you, now face up to it like a man. Get on with your life and stop acting like a child!”

Arthur hit the coffee table and stood up glaring at his father “I cannot believe you! My husband, the love of my life is being held by the Taliban, two of his men have had their heads cut off and you have the audacity to come here on the day he was due home and lecture me on responsibility. Merlin was fighting on his countries behalf when he was taken, he wasn’t on some bloody holiday!” Arthur stood facing his father is voice bitter “My husband… yes that’s right MY HUSBAND is missing, and I don’t know when, or if, I will ever see him alive again. Well let me tell you, you can stuff your job if that’s how you feel, now get out of our house” by now he was shouting angrily. All his bottled up grief and anger boiling over at the man in front of him. In that moment he hated his father more than he ever had.

Uther looked at Arthur as if he had grown two heads “This isn’t you Arthur, don’t be a fool. Keep your mind busy, how do you think I coped when your mother died? I couldn’t wallow in self-pity.” Uther’s voice became harder and unfeeling “He isn’t even dead, and even if he is you need to take a good look at yourself. It isn’t worth throwing your life away just because your paramour is gone.”

“HE…. HAS….. A…. NAME!” Arthur spat out bullet style “You can’t even say it can you?! MERLIN that’s my Husband’s name, now use it.” Arthur spat out “And don’t lie to me, you have wallowed in self-pity since mother died. Not even giving your own children your time or love. You buried yourself in work as if that was all that mattered, now you won’t even allow me to………….” 

Arthur stopped talking, he wouldn’t use the word grieve. Merlin was Not dead, he wasn’t, he couldn’t think that. Arthur was about to speak again when Hunith came into the room, She looked at the two men then with her hand on Arthur’s shoulder and she looked at Uther. She was a small woman and even frailer with her recent weight loss, but she would not be intimidated by the man in front of her. Stepping directly in front of him and between Uther and his son she spoke calmly but with force.

“Arthur is like a son to me and I won’t have him spoken to like that, not even by you! I have heard a great deal about you Mr Pendragon, and I pity you. I gained a son when Merlin and Arthur married yet you lost the only one you had. You wouldn’t even come to their wedding. I too lost my man, before Merlin was born, but I gave all my love to my son, and it has been repaid a thousand fold. The fact that our two boys love each other and have found a soulmate in each other is wonderful and not something to be ashamed of. Now my Merlin is missing and Arthur needs support not this…….so I think you best leave”

None of them had heard the front door open once more so were surprised when another voice spoke. “And I agree, leave now Uther or by god I will never talk to you again!” Morgana stood there her green eyes flashing in anger.  
“How dare you, and today of all days. What’s more Arthur has two weeks holiday booked from yesterday so he shouldn’t even be at work. As for cover Leon and Gwen have been managing, nothing has suffered and even if it had your son and his husband should come first. Arthur had put in so many hours before all this happened to make sure things were up together. Your attitude disgusts me!”

Uther looked at the two women and then spoke to his son ignoring the two women “Sort yourself out Arthur, this is no way for a Pendragon to behave” with that he was gone.

Morgana shouted after him “Then I thank god I am a La Fey!”

She turned round to her brother who was shaking and hugged him. 

“How could he?” he murmured

“Because he’s an unfeeling bastard” Morgana told her brother.

The three of them sat together hugging until eventually Hunith pulled away “Come on you two we should at least try to eat something. I’ll make us all a cup of tea and some toast.”

Arthur couldn’t help but give a small broken smile as he heard Hunith. Merlin always said his mother thought everything could be solved with a cup of tea.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some bad language but you have been warned.

In Afghanistan the men had been guarded carefully and had had no chance of escape. Merlin was stiff and sore and with his hands once more tied behind his back he had trouble getting to his feet. With the deep bruising around his upper legs, hips and back even walking out to the privy caused him difficulty and he fell on more than one occasion adding to his bruises. The others had worked out a way of helping him to his feet in the morning when he was at his stiffest. Galahad was also suffering but to a lesser degree, his had been more of a show punishment and his bruising had been more superficial and on his upper torso and arms, so he was managing better and recovering quicker. When they were taken out to relieve themselves their legs had remained shackled after Galahads previous attempt. They were now in the cellar of an isolated house. They did their best to keep their moral up and invented several games to pass the time. They also kept their ear out for a hint as to where they were and any intelligence that might be off use if, when, they were rescued or could escape. Merlin knew their worst enemy was boredom and losing their moral so did his best to keep them all motivated. As much as they could they continued to exercise to try to maintain strength. The men had all said they wouldn’t try to escape unless they all went together, they had no intention of Merlin losing a hand. This caused a row as Merlin told then it was theory duty to try and escape regardless. It was a moot point anyway as they were so carefully watched it soon became clear that it was highly unlikely that any of them would get the chance. 

Then one day, at day break, they heard gunfire, Merlin assuming it was an attack by their forces, told the men to stand and be ready to do whatever they could to help, should it be a rescue attempt. If it appeared to be an attack then they had to try to let the allies know they were held in the building. After all it might not be an attack on their behalf. Merlin knew they were all weakened by lack of food and exercise and couldn’t do much with their hands tied behind their backs and feet shackled together, but if whoever was coming were to have any chance, they had to help where they could. So they got to their feet to take what action they could. With Merlin one side of the door with Terry and Galahad and Gwaine the other they intended to jump anyone who came in.

A Taliban soldier came into the room with a raised rifle bayonet fixed, clearly intending on either shooting them all or moving them. Merlin knew they would only have one chance and intended to be the one who took the most risk, he was still feeling he had let the two dead men down. So he took his opportunity and barged into the enemy the moment he could and without hesitation. The man was pushed over as Merlin hit into him with as much force as he could, the second Taliban man was jumped on by Gwaine and Galahad but then Merlin was caught by the third man’s bayonet as Terry tried to help. Before Gwaine, Galahad or Terry had chance to help their officer the rescuers came into the room and shoot the enemy and quickly released the men. Gwaine immediately tried to get to Merlin’s side but the largest rescuer, clearly the leader bent and quickly check Merlin before picking up Merlin as if he were a baby and throwing him over his shoulder fireman style, looking at Gwaine he snapped “Get out of here Now! We haven’t much time before we will be overwhelmed”

It was clear they had no time for finesse. They all went up the stairs the captives being helped by their rescuers. As they reached the ground floor Gwaine saw bodies everywhere including the Taliban leader. There was heavy fighting going on as the small group of rescuers held their position. Then they heard helicopters, who had clearly been called to take them out. As the helicopters pitched down they all ran as some of the men provided covering fire, smoke grenades had been set off to help provide cover. They all were soon loaded on the helicopters and off, even with shooting going on all around them Gwaine made damn sure he was on the same one as Merlin. The minute Gwaine was on the helicopter he moved quickly to the side of the large man who had carried Merlin to safety. The man looked up as he put Merlin down.

“Your officer is OK, looks nasty but as far as I can see it is flesh wound. Strap yourself in this could get hairy” he instructed tersely. 

Gwaine reluctantly did as asked, he had heard that tone before and know he had to do as instructed. As Gwaine looked out he could see several other helicopters in the air and planes offering firing cover. Gwaine then realised both Terry and Galahad were missing. Seeing his look the man mountain grinned “They’re in another chopper, just in case, no point in putting all our eggs in one basket. Anyway these beauties as quick but small, the R.A.F. are providing cover.” He paused then added with a grin “Names Percy and you have been rescued by the SAS, sorry we didn’t get to you quicker but they did keep moving you around”

“I’m just glad to be rescued mate” Gwaine told him “After the other two we weren’t sure if you would get to us in time, I’m Gwaine and that is Merlin…. Lieutenant Emrys” Gwaine corrected himself quickly. He had been rescued and he didn’t want to be put on a charge when Merlin might need him.

Percy threw him a grin “Don’t worry I don’t supposed you have been bothered with rank for the past few weeks, I will ignore that and cut you some slack” 

As Percy was speaking he and another of the rescuers, were already starting to give first aid to Merlin, who, with the new injury, and the rough handling had lost consciousness, they were concentrating on stopping the bleeding by pressure concentrating on the facial wound to stop Merlin aspirating on the blood. “The medics will sort him when we land in Camp Bastion.” Percy reassured Gwaine.

Gwaine looked at Merlin and all he could see was blood “he’s lost a lot of blood” he was very worried “I can’t lose him now!”

“He was caught by the bayonet and has a deep wound across his chest, neck and jaw. It appears to have completely gone through his cheek but don’t worry they’ll sort him, I’ve seen worse.”

“I bet you have and so have I, but he’s like a little brother to me. The stupid idiot threw himself at the Afghan to stop him shooting us” the reaction was beginning to set in and Gwaine voice wavered. Then he added “Go careful with his back the bastards gave him a hundred lashes with the dura a few days ago”

“I’ll do what I can but we need to stop the bleeding, he’s a brave man” Percy told him as he looked down at Merlin “Well you’ll soon be back in Blighty and out of this hole, you were supposed to already be there weren’t you?” Percy was talking to try to keep Gwaine calm. The other rescuers in the copter were watching for further attack and held weapons ready for use. 

Gwaine nodded “I bet his mum and husbands gone spare!” 

“Well they will soon know he’s safe, you got family waiting?”

“Nah all dead, Merl’s mum is my next of kin now” 

Percy nodded sympathetically and then fell silent clearly having used up all his chat. As the officer in charge was pleased with how the mission had turned out, but annoyed that the Lieutenant had been hurt just as they arrived. They had gone in on foot and managed to get close before being spotted, and the fight had been short and brutal. Only then had the copters come in to collect them. 

The minute the helicopters landed at Camp Bastion the medical teams come and collected Merlin and the other men and took them for treatment. Gwaine wanted to stay with Merlin as did Terry and Galahad but they were moved away and checked over before being given hot drinks. Galahad’s wounds were checked then they were all given food before getting cleaned up. It wasn’t long before they were all in bed and asleep, having been given a mild sedative.

Merlin was soon in theatre having his injuries cared for. The base commander informed London of the success of the mission. The whole of Camp Bastion’s mood lifted as news got out. Percy and his men were treated like heroes. There wasn’t a man on camp who wasn’t relieved and pleased to know their colleagues had been found. The two decapitations had hit all the soldiers hard, everyone knew the risks, but when something like that happened it brought it home to them. The deaths from the original crash had been hard enough, but knowing that there were four men held by the enemy had taken its toll on every man based in Afghanistan. 

In the UK, it wasn’t until two weeks after the man were supposed to have been home before concrete news of their loved ones safety arrived with the families. The men had been missing for just over six weeks, the longest weeks of Arthur’s life. Lance arrived and told Arthur and Hunith that the army had gained intelligence and had mounted a raid with the SAS on a secret mountain camp. The men had been rescued! There wasn’t a dry eye to be found. Arthur and Hunith wanted to fly out to Afghanistan immediately but Lance told them this was not possible. 

“The men need to be checked medically, debriefed and then they will be flown home on military transport. So I’m afraid you won’t see them until then, however we are trying to arrange a skype call for you, or at least a phone call” 

With this Hunith collapsed, she had been so strung up it was too much for her. She was a strong woman but thinking she was going to lose her son as well as Gwaine, who was almost a second son, had been putting a great strain on her. Arthur had been dealing with his own fears and worries and although Morgana and Lance had offered support it just hadn’t been enough. Arthur wasn’t much better but the adrenaline was carrying him through. Once Hunith had been seen and was under sedation and in bed, Lance filled in Arthur on the details and Arthur would tell her later.

“It all happen fast in the end. The SAS had discovered where the latest holding place was and mounted a smash and grab raid. All four men were found and rescued” Lance told him. “They were all malnourished but mostly well. I’m afraid Merlin suffered a non-life threatening injury during the rescue. All the others were ok but might clearly suffering some physical and psychological problems from their captured and stay. But you can breathe again Arthur your husband will soon be home with you.” Lance was sympathetic but encouraging.

Arthur then rang Morgana and told her the news adding “Please don’t tell anyone else yet, not until I have spoken to Merlin, after all we don’t know all the facts yet and I don’t want visitors”


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur’s close friends had been supportive but he needed time and space to get himself together. He was in a state and really couldn’t deal with them, all he wanted to do was see Merlin for himself. It was the only thing that would convince him that his husband was coming home. It was several hours later when Lance received word about Merlin’s injuries and by then Morgana was on hand and Hunith had got up and was resting on the sofa. 

“From what I have been told Merlin has a wound from a bayonet received as they were being rescued. He received a long gash across the chest and neck as well as a flesh injury to his face. He has been stitched up and had a blood transfusion. He will still be able to come back with the others.” Lance looked at the couple. “Please try not to worry he is getting the very best of care and will fly back on a fully equipped and staffed plane with other casualties that are being repatriated.”

Arthur and Hunith wouldn’t believe Merlin was safe until they saw him with their own eyes. Some relief came within the hour, Gwaine was on skype and he spoke to Hunith and Arthur who were overjoyed to see him, even if Hunith was still a bit light headed from the sedation. Gwaine told Hunith that Merlin was still asleep would call later once he was awake enough. But he reassured her and Arthur that Merlin was OK. As was he, although they could see what difference his captivity had had on him. Gwaine had clearly lost a lot of weight.   
“I know you both wanted to speak to Merlin, but he safe and receiving the best of care. I’m so sorry Arthur I couldn’t keep him safe” Gwaine sounded devastated

“You did your best Gwaine and what’s more you are both alive” Arthur reassured his friend Hunith agreeing.

“That’s mainly due to Merl that we got through it, he was so strong he kept us motivated” Gwaine admitted.

It was a further three hours before a sleepy Merlin spoke to Arthur and Hunith via skype. They could both see he looked thinner and very pale, not his normal self. Merlin had a dressing across the left hand side of his face and was lying in a hospital bed. He had trouble speaking as his face was still numb. But it was just so good to see him. “I told you, you would lose weight without me to look after you” Arthur said softly “Once you are home me and your mum will soon feed you up”

Merlin rolled his eyes but it was clear he was as overjoyed as they were at being able to see each other. They chatted for a time but then Merlin closed his eyes and a nurse told them she would have to cut them off. But she reassured them Merlin was doing well. Before Merlin disappeared from the scene Arthur saved an image of his husband.

Morgana and Leon decided they needed to celebrate and after getting Arthur’s permission rang their close friends and they had a small but happy celebration at Arthur’s. Although Arthur insisted it be low key but that they would have a real party when Merlin and Gwaine were home and feeling up to it.

It would be three days before the men where back in the UK and the day after the men’s recovery Arthur was spoken to by an Army doctor who told Arthur that Merlin had been present when both of the men had been beheaded and blamed himself for not saving them.  
“You need to know for when he gets home. He has taken it hard. Altogether 23 of his troop died and a further 13 injured of whom 8 were serious, from the crash and what happened afterwards. Lieutenant Emrys was their commander in the field, so it is understandable that he feels he is to blame. Although he has been assured that he is not and no blame will show on his record. He will get professional help, but as always it’s the family have the largest involvement” The doctor explained. “He insisted on knowing and nothing would have been gained by withholding that information.”

Arthur was upset by the numbers and what Merlin must be going through. He took everything that happened to his men very personally, often seeming to sacrifice his own wellbeing rather than see his men suffer. This would surely come close to breaking him. Arthur asked “What can I do? And when will he be back? He needs me”

“You will be able to see him when he gets back in two days, you will just need to give him time to recover, let him talk if he wants to. The professionals will help you both through this.” The doctor explained. 

Arthur was also contacted by the Prime Minister who phoned Arthur just after he had received the news “Mr Pendragon the government and I would like to say how pleased we are that your husband and his men are safe. I told you we would do everything we could and we did….”

Arthur cut him off in mid-sentence not wanting to hear it. “No the Army and the SAS rescued them, you would have left them to rot. I hope you don’t try to make political capital out of this because if you do I will give my side” Arthur was bitter about the whole issue. “And please don’t turn up when they arrive back in the UK. Because it is not wanted” with that he put the phone down, not caring if he was being rude.

Hunith looked at her son in law “Arthur” she admonished “It wasn’t easy for them either you know. One day you will see that”

“Hunith what I said was the truth. The Government sends our boys out to fight in wars without risk to themselves. Yet when the crunch comes they hide behind words and blame someone else. Harry Patch was right the leaders should fight if that’s what they want, and leave our young men and women out of it!”

Hunith put her arms round the blonde and hugged him “We will have him back soon” she looked up tears in her eyes “I hope he decides to leave the army now, but you have to promise me you won’t try to force him. Merlin is stubborn of you do, he will stay in”

Arthur stiffened “I won’t let him!” then he looked down at Hunith “I couldn’t cope if he did and nor could you, but I won’t push him unless I have to, that’s all I can promise.” Arthur had tears in his eyes as he spoke. “But for now all I want to do is hold him”


	8. Chapter 8

It was two days later when all the relatives met up once more, this time at Brize Norton where the men were flown back. They all waited together their nerves showing and hardly a word spoken between them. Once the men were off the plane they were given privacy for their first meeting in seven months. Each family being given a separate room for the meeting. Much to Merlin’s disgust he was taken off the plane on a stretcher and only then allowed to transfer to a wheelchair. Even then he had been ordered to remain in the chair and not try to walk after the long flight. He was the last to disembark.

The minute the rest were in the building the families were allowed to see the men Gwaine walked into the room where Hunith hugged him before stepping back to allow Arthur to greet his friend. It was several minutes before they were allowed to see Merlin before he was transferred to an ambulance to be taken to hospital. 

As Merlin was wheeled into the room Arthur noticed that Merlin was keeping his head turned so the uninjured side was showing. Arthur walked up to him and knelt down in front of the wheelchair the minute Lance stopped. The blonde smiled at Merlin and very gently cupped Merlin’s face and turned it so it was facing him “Don’t hide from me Merlin, you are back and whatever injuries you have won’t make any difference to me.” With tears in his eyes he kissed Merlin gently not caring who was watching “You are the love of my life and you came home to me”

Merlin very warily returned the kiss, as best he could with his face bandaged. It was clear from his eyes he had been worried about Arthur’s reaction. Arthur could also see the guilt and worry in his eyes. It confirmed what Arthur had thought, Merlin was tearing himself up with guilt over the deaths of his comrades. It made the blondes heart bleed for his husband. Hunith had tears running down her face as she to hugged her son. Merlin hung into her like she was his lifeline for several minutes, neither saying anything to each other. Hunith broke the silence and welcomed her son home. They were both shocked by how much weight both men had lost, even though they had seen them via skype. After that initial meeting that lasted a quarter of an hour Gwaine took Hunith to another room where they chatted and allowed Merlin and Arthur space. Gwaine also looked haunted from the experienced but tried to hide it under his brash exterior. 

Both men had tears in their eyes, then as Arthur looked at Merlin he smiled finally believing he had his husband and the love of his life home, then they hugged once more. Arthur was careful not to hug to tightly due to Merlin’s injuries but he knelt and buried his face in the raven haired man’s neck and stayed there unable to believe that at last he had his Merlin back. He whispered Merlin’s name over and over.

During his six weeks captivity Merlin had come to terms with the fact he might die without seeing Arthur again, now he was home and could feel the familiar body next to his it was too much and all the suppressed guilt and emotion burst to the surface and he sobbed, silently and with a degree of shame at being so weak. It wasn’t until Arthur felt a wet path on his shoulder that he realised Merlin was crying. He moved away and looked at Merlin allowing the other man to see the tears in his own eyes, in the hope he would find comfort in knowing he wasn’t the only one breaking down. “It’s so good to have you back love.”

Arthur then wheeled Merlin over to the sofa in the corner of the room and carefully helping Merlin out of the chair sat down with the other man on his lap. Merlin looked at Arthur “Supposed to stay in chair” he was tired after the flight and the emotion was also taking its toll on him.

“Sod that! I want you in my arms, I don’t intend to let you go again, ever” Arthur rubbed a finger very gently over the dressing stuck on Merlin’s face. “You had to get yourself hurt!” he paused “I thought I’d lost you” he said brokenly. 

Merlin drew in a deep breath and shuddered “I shouldn’t be here, I lost so many men”

“It wasn’t your fault Merlin, none of it was, you did your best, and you were all in a war zone. I know you, you would have done your best for your men” Arthur swallowed before adding “I’m selfish I know, but I’m so glad you are back, I couldn’t have coped if I had lost you”

“But all those other families will have to!” Merlin looked totally miserable “And all I can do is blub like a baby”.

“If you are a baby so am I. And yes they will have to cope, but we will make sure they get all the help they need” Arthur stressed. Then he leaned in and kissed Merlin softly, avoiding the dressing. “I need to get you home. Can we go? I will employ a nurse if you need one?”

There was a shake of a raven head “No they want me to go to Selly Oak first to be checked over, I will have to stay in. The others can go, I think, and report to the Barracks tomorrow.”

Arthur was bitterly disappointed “Fuck! I wanted to sleep with you tonight. Our bed is too big without you in it.”

“I want to go home as well. Maybe you can use your charm” Merlin said with the slightest of smiles he had already spent hours with the psychologists and doctors and just wanted to be left alone.

Arthur gave a smile that sent Merlin’s heart a flutter in a way nothing else could. “Maybe they will let you be seen in London. If not then I will stay at Selly Oak as well. I am not letting you out of my sight Merlin”

“Good” was the only answer he got. The sat cuddled up just enjoying each other presence and gaining comfort in each other, until there was a knock on the door and Lance came in. 

“Hello Lieutenant Emrys” Lance saluted and as Merlin went to return the salute Lance told him “Don’t, there is no need.” then he raised an eyebrow “I understood you were supposed to stay in your wheelchair”

“Tell him that!” Merlin pointed to Arthur.

“Umm well, I have come to take you both to speak to the Chief Medical Officer so back in the chair” Lance ordered he outranked Merlin, but he smiled as he spoke. He thought the two men looked well together and having spent so much time with Arthur he understood exactly what happened and why. He couldn’t find it in his heart to say more.

As they went into an examination area they were greeted by the Chief Medical Officer who was an older man, he greeted them with a smile “Please take a seat Lieutenant Emrys, Mr Pendragon.” Although they had become Emrys- Pendragon on their marriage they had both chosen to just use their own names at work for convenience. The doctor held out his hand and Arthur shook it. “My name is Major Derek Iseldir, welcome back to the UK Lieutenant Emrys. Now due to your injuries we will be transferring you to Selly Oak Hospital from here. I am sure you would rather be going home but hopefully in a couple of days. I just need to check you over before the next stage of your journey.”

After shaking the Majors hand Arthur spoke up “Major I was led to understand my husband’s injuries are not serious, I am sure he would recuperate better at home. I can employ a nurse if you think it’s necessary.” Arthur commented.

“Ah Mr Pendragon, I have heard about you from my colleagues at the Ministry.” The Major smirked slightly before continuing “I understand your eagerness to spend time with Lieutenant Emrys but he is in her Majesties Army and therefore subject to regulations. I don’t know what you have been told, but although the injuries are not in any way life threatening they were sustained whilst on duty. They are also sufficient for us to want to make sure all risk of infection has passed.” He paused before continuing “I don’t know if you are aware but your husband has a chest wound that required a total of 70 sutures as well as an injury to his face and neck. This is not a minor wound and he also required a transfusion of four units of blood. Some of that due to his general condition it might be added. The bayonet that caused the wound would not have been clean either and physically and mentally he is run down”

Arthur looked at Merlin before looking back at the doctor “No I was not aware of the size of the wound. But surely you understand we want to be together. As a compromise may I accompany Merlin to Selly Oak or better still can he be admitted to a London Hospital. I will gladly pay for Private care”

The Major looked at the couple with sympathy. “I do understand, contrary to opinion we do care for our men. You may of course visit the Lieutenant and there are facilities where you can stay. But visiting times are strictly maintained. As I said a few days should be enough, although clearly I cannot promise.” Looking at Merlin the Major ordered him to get onto the examination couch, Arthur jumped up and helped Merlin to get up from the wheelchair and sit on the edge. 

“Now I suspect you would like your husband here” the Major asked Merlin

“Yes he would!” Arthur said not giving Merlin chance to speak. “I want to see how badly he is hurt for myself” then he looked apologetic as he saw Merlin tiredly rolling his eyes. The Arthur added “I mean I need to know, to put my mind at rest”

Merlin had removed his tie and undid his shirt as Arthur stepped forward to help him remove it. Then he helped Merlin swing his feet up and lie down. The major pulled a curtain around leaving Arthur on the outside, the doctor washed his hands and removed the adhesive strip covering Merlin chest from shoulder to lower abdomen. Soon there was a red line with sutures visible, then the facial dressing was removed and a small one on the neck. The doctor looked at the wounds and seemed satisfied.

“You will have some scaring I’m afraid but the wound looks good, a little red but you are on antibiotics. Are you happy for your husband to see?” 

“Yes Sir, he had better, after all he has to see it sometime.” Merlin said resigned. He wasn’t happy with the scaring issue but knew Arthur would have to see it sometime, much as he would prefer him not to. He didn’t want Arthur to feel he was obliged to put up with a maimed partner through any sense of loyalty or pity. “Can I see my face first?”

The doctor nodded “It looks red and swollen now and that will fade down, but it will take time” He gave Merlin a mirror.

The wound ran down his face, from just below his cheek bone to his chin following his jaw line. Merlin knew it had cut right through in places as he could feel it with his tongue. He was also having to use a month wash regularly. It looked worse than he thought, it was swollen although he knew it had gone down in the last couple of days, he had been warned that the flight back would have made it swell more. He really wasn’t looking forward to Arthur seeing it. The neck wound was small and he had already seen the chest wound. After a few moments the doctor took the mirror and called Arthur in. Arthur looked at the chest first and schooled himself not to show his upset at the large wound. He now felt guilty at sitting Merlin in this lap knowing that must have hurt his husband to move. Then he looked at Merlin’s face. That upset him even more but again he made sure it didn’t show.

“You are still my good looking husband, a couple of scars won’t change that. Are you in much pain darling?” Arthur said carefully.

Merlin looked down “Bit sore” he hesitated “The face looks bad, I can hide the chest but…”

“The marks will fade with time” the doctor stressed “There was no damage to any of the nerves. Your scars won’t benefit from surgery, as that would just leave further scaring. If it upsets you there are camouflage creams you can use later, But as I said they will fade in time.” 

Trying hard to cheer Merlin up Arthur added “I reckon a beard would suit you” Arthur smiled at that thought. “You know how I like it when you are on leave and your stubble grows a bit.”

Merlin looked at Arthur sadly and sighed “Not allowed in the army and I’m not transferring to the Navy” his voice was weak and he was still finding it painful to talk as it pulled on his wounds.

Arthur winced he was hoping against all hope Merlin would leave the services. As he had told Hunith he really wasn’t sure if he could cope if Merlin didn’t agree. “No you’d get sea sick” he said as lightly as he could, wishing he could take back the comment. But he was also suffering from stress knowing how badly Merlin had been hurt and how close he had come from it being much, much worse. Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his.

The doctor took Merlin’s blood pressure and then called a nurse in the redress the wounds adding to the men “If the wounds stay clean the sutures will come out of the face and neck in another couple of days and in further week to the chest. Now I know the ambulance is waiting’ I’m afraid you can’t accompany your husband in the ambulance as they have someone else to take. But you can follow on if you wish. Either now or later.”

Arthur looked at the doctor “Is Sergeant Green allowed home? Because Mrs Emrys is also his next of kin”

The Major looked surprised “I hadn’t realised you were related” he told Merlin

“Not Sir, but Sergeant Green’s parents are deceased and my mother is now next of kin, the families have known each other for years” Merlin told the Major

“Ok, well he can go home as long as he can stay in London. Otherwise he will have to stay in Barracks”

Arthur reassured the major “Hunith and Gwaine can stay in our house, Mrs Emrys has been staying with me anyway. But I will ask her what she wants, as she might want to go with her son”

Merlin looked up “Tell her to go home with Gwaine. It’s only for a couple of days, and he needs someone as well.” Merlin held his hand to his face and winced.

“You might want to take care talking. I know you have been told of the need to move your facial muscles but it is early days” the doctor was advised “A little less talking would be good just for a couple of days. Don’t stop altogether though” Merlin was handed a couple of tablets “Take those for the journey Lieutenant, for the pain” 

So it was agreed Hunith would return to Arthur’s with Gwaine while Arthur left with Merlin. Hunith managed to spend a short time with Merlin before they left and as she did Arthur sat with Gwaine so mother and son could have some privacy. Arthur thanked Gwaine for all he had done “I know you were there for him when I couldn’t be and that meant a lot Gwaine and if you need anything just let me know. Also if you think any of the others need any help I intend to be there for them. I suspect you will all be friends for the rest of your lives now.”

“Let us all get settled first and work out what’s happening to us.” Then Gwaine grinned “Oh and let me raid your drinks cupboard! It’s been ages since I had a drink” 

“Get stuffed” Arthur said with a grin “I’ll ask Hunith to keep an eye on you”

Gwaine rolled his eyes dramatically “I love Hunith dearly but that woman is a Rottweiler if she gets her mind settled on something, don’t encourage her.”

Arthur looked serious again “It’s been hard on her with both of you missing”

“I know” Gwaine paused “But she is a strong woman, don’t worry I’ll look after her. With me to fuss over she will be too busy to worry about Merl to much. Just make damn sure you look after him” Gwaine threatened “Or you’ll answer to me”

“I would do anything for him, you know that” Arthur said “He means more to me than anything else”

“I know” Gwaine said trying to lighten the mood “But I’m still going to drink your best brandy” 

Hunith meanwhile hugged her son “I should be with you, but I’m sure you would rather have Arthur” 

“Mum you know I want you but Gwaine needs someone, it’s either that or he has to stay in the barracks and he needs looking after no matter what he says. They tell me I’ll be home soon.”

Hunith realised just how close to breaking down her son was so she agreed all be it reluctantly, he was right Gwaine would need someone and would be better off with her. “Ring me?” she asked.

“You know I will. I’ve missed you and Arthur so much, it was the thought of seeing you both again that kept me going” Merlin admitted to his mother. He hugged his mother once again “Please mum go to Gwaine, you haven’t seen me cry since I was knee high and I don’t want you to now” he gave a lopsided grin.

“Ok son, look after yourself and see you soon.” With that she left her son and went to find Arthur. When she found him she had tears running down her face “Look after him Arthur” 

Arthur hugged her “You bet, just don’t let this vagabond run circles round you”

Arthur followed the ambulance in his car as it was taking more than Merlin to Selly Oak. Gwaine, Hunith and the others were provided with army transport home. The other families lived in Wales but were staying in hotels together in London. Unbeknown to them paid for by Arthur. After a few days they would be allowed home for a while.


	9. Chapter 9

Once in Selly Oak it was several hours before Arthur was allowed to be alone with Merlin. First all the paperwork and admission process had to be got through by the time that happened Merlin was exhausted and fell asleep. Arthur sat by him holding his hand and just soaking in the fact that he could look down at Merlin and he was back in a safe place. Merlin was in a shared room with another soldier, also back from Afghanistan. Although James had been back for several weeks, after having lost both legs to an I.E.D., he knew who Merlin was and about the incident. As Merlin slept James talked to Arthur.

“Glad they got him back mate, we were all praying for them”

Arthur nodded “Not all of them though, Merlin blames himself”

“That’s stupid but understandable, get him to talk to the shrinks, they do help. Mind you I wouldn’t at the beginning, macho thing and all” he gave a sheepish grin. “From what I heard he’s a good officer, came through the ranks didn’t he?”

Arthur nodded but was unwilling to discuss too much with what was after all a stranger. But James seemed to take no offence and kept talking “He’s a brave one coming out like he did, there is still a lot of homophobia in the forces. All tough men don’t you know. Me I don’t care, but that took guts, I know one of the men from his troop, he was injured in the copter crash, he was so pleased he was instead of being captured. He reckons your man is the best Lieutenant in the army”

“Thank you, tell him that if you get the chance” Arthur said with a feeling of pride, he knew deep down that Merlin had faced some problems since coming out, even if the army had a policy to prevent problems. After all it took time to change people’s perceptions. He only had to think of Terry’s parents to realise that. But Merlin had never discussed it with him. Then James seemed to realise that Arthur didn’t want to talk and put his television on headphones. 

Later that evening Arthur got kicked of the ward and sent to the relative’s accommodation. He was sharing a room with another man, the husband of a man in intensive care. The room was clean but basic. There was a shared shower for three double rooms and a small kitchen with a microwave, fridge, toaster and the means to make a drink. There was also a phone linked to the wards which he had been asked to answer if he heard it. He had been told “If you or any of the relatives are needed we ring that phone and let you know the room number and name of who we need. We would rather that than individual mobile numbers.”

Arthur got into bed feeling exhausted but happier now he had seen Merlin, he knew they had a long way to go before things were right but he was determined to help Merlin in any way he could to cope with the aftermath.

It was in the early hours that he woke hearing a phone ringing, then there was a knock on the door “Mr Pendragon…phone for you” came a sleepy voice.

Arthur got out of bed and went to the phone mumbling thanks to the sleepy person returning to their room. At the same time worried sick as to why they needed him. “Mr Pendragon would you mind returning to the ward. Your husband has had a nightmare and we can’t calm him, he won’t let us get near enough to sedate him. Hopefully he will respond to you”

Not even waiting to get dressed he slung a jacket over his sleeping trousers and t shirt and practically ran to the ward. When he got there he was let in by a nurse. “Sorry to disturb you Sir” she started to say

“No problem” Arthur went into the double room to see Merlin on the floor in the corner, with another nurse calmly talking to Merlin. Who clearly wasn’t listening to her. He looked angry and confused, seeing Arthur she moved away and spoke calmly to Arthur. The other patient was looking on sleepily.

“We have been trying to get him to get back into bed, or take this sedative, but he won’t. He doesn’t seem to understand where he is, we hoped you might be able to get through to him” she gave Arthur a reassuring look. “It’s no problem if he wants to stay where he is, but he won’t even let us cover him and he will get cold.”

Merlin went towards Merlin and got down on his haunches speaking softly “Merlin it’s me Arthur, you are safe Merl, you are in hospital.” Gently reaching out a hand to Merlin as the raven haired man looked at him with a puzzled expression. “You’re back in Britain Merl.” Arthur moved slowly closer.

Merlin seemed to see Arthur and spoke “A….thur?”

“Yes love it’s me” Arthur by now was at Merlin’s side and he sank down on the floor beside him very slowly and gently took him in his arms “You must have had a nightmare Merl, you’re safe, you’re safe”

Merlin seemed to sink into Arthur’s arms and let the blonde hold him and rub circles in his back to calm him. Arthur could feel Merlin’s heart it was beating fast and the slighter man was shaking. The Nurse gently covered the pair with a blanket “I will get you both a drink, when you’re ready we can get Merlin back into bed”

As the nurse spoke Arthur could feel Merlin tensing up in his arms so he carded his hand through Merlin’s hair and kissed him gently on the forehead. After a while Merlin spoke brokenly “I saw their heads, I couldn’t stop it” tears were running down his face and he was trembling. 

Arthur had no idea what to say, after all the dream had a basis in reality and Arthur had never been good with emotions. He looked Merlin in the eye “You did all you could love, no one could have done more” 

The nurse handed Arthur a glass of water and two small tablets Arthur took them silently “Here love take these and have a drink, it will help”

Merlin did as Arthur asked, almost allowing Arthur to take control. Arthur marvelled once more at the trust Merlin had always had in him. He might be an officer at work but he had always seemed to accept Arthur as the boss at home, that wasn’t to say he would agree with everything but he had no problem allowing Arthur to take the lead. Gwaine had always teased Merlin saying the raven haired man wanted to be able to turn off completely when not at work, that he wanted to be looked after.

It was twenty minutes before Merlin stopped shaking. Arthur then got up and gently eased Merlin onto his feet, being careful of his chest, Merlin was soon back in bed. But he wouldn’t let Arthur go, not even after the sedatives had sent him to sleep. Arthur sat on the bed with Merlin’s head in his lap, resting back against the pillows the nurses let him stay so Merlin would rest.   
James was clearly awake and had witnessed Merlin’s breakdown, but said nothing, he had had several roommates since his own injury and had also had nightmares himself. So he understood.

The next morning the doctors prescribed sleeping tablets for Merlin so he would get a goodnight’s sleep and asked him again about speaking to someone, Merlin was reluctant but when the army doctors came to see him they insisted he speak to their man and made the arrangements. Merlin was clearly ashamed at what happened and nothing Arthur said to reassure him worked. Merlin was assigned an army psychologist who would look after him once he was back in London. Until then Arthur managed to talk the hospital in allowing him to sleep in a chair beside Merlin at night. It was only a couple more nights before it was decided that Merlin could go back home. The sutures were removed from his face before he left and the wound left exposed. This made Merlin feel even more self-conscious about it, but he advised it would be better not dressed. 

The army insisted Merlin be transported back in an ambulance due to his chest wound and the need to wear a seat belt in the car. So Arthur arranged for Leon to collect his car and went back with Merlin. Once at the barracks Merlin was discharged home, although he would have regular appointments with the army doctors and psychologists. 

As the taxi with the two men arrived outside their flat Merlin looked at Arthur “It’s good to be home, there were times I thought I wouldn’t see it again”

Arthur kissed Merlin chastely, conscious that they were not alone. “Come on love lets go in your mum will be anxious to see you.”

Arthur carried Merlin’s bag and placed his other hand in the small of Merlin’s back in gentle support. He had already paid the driver. They went up in the lift and just before opening the door Arthur turned to Merlin “I love you so much Merls, it’s been hell without you. Just take it easy please, it will take you time to sort everything out” 

Merlin nodded but said nothing he had seen the strain in both his mother and Arthur and knew that he had not been the only one suffering. He put his hand on Arthur’s as the blonde went to open the door “You haven’t got a surprise party for me have you?”

Arthur shock his head “Christ no! I have threatened everyone including Morgana that today is our day, Your Mum and Gwaine are here but that is all. Although I can’t promise that your mum hasn’t been cooking all day!”


	10. Chapter 10

As soon as they opened the door both men knew that Hunith had indeed been cooking. The air was permeated with cooking smells from freshly baked cake to Merlin’s favourite meal Roast Beef. Hunith hearing the door open rushed towards her son “Merlin my boy” with that he was enveloped in her arms and hugged. Then feeling him stiffen she released him quickly “I’m so sorry your poor side”

Merlin gave his mum a grin “Don’t worry mum it was worth it” he paused “Is that Roast Beef I smell?”

Hunith smiled “With all the trimmings and Bara Brith. I have also made shortbread for Arthur and Apple Cake for Gwaine.”

Arthur grinned at Hunith “And enough things to fill the freezer if I know you. Can you let us in the door Hunith!?”

Hunith grinned and stepped back her smile still almost cracking her face in half as she looked at her son. “I’ll make you a cup of tea boys, go and sit down. Arthur go and call Gwaine please, he is resting in his room”

Merlin looked at his mother sharply then demanded “Is he alright?”

“Yes son, he just stayed up late last night watching a film and he forgets he is still weak. You know Gwaine.” Hunith shock her head “He won’t listen to me, Oh and Arthur I haven’t let him drink your whiskey! But it’s been a struggle”

Arthur laughed, then realized it was the first time he had in ages. “Well if he’s allowed he can have one with me later”

“I heard that Princess” came a voice from the doorway. “And I’ll keep you to it. Hunith bless her soul has a heart of stone!” there was a brief silence then an “Ow” as Hunith flipped Gwaine round the ear with a tea towel.

“No apple cake for you my boy” Hunith threatens

“Ow Hunith don’t be mean! You know the doctors say I need to put on weight” Gwaine turns his puppy dog eyes on Hunith.

Arthur is pleased to hear a small chuckle from Merlin “Give up while you can Gwaine” the raven haired man said “I for one don’t intend to upset Mum, not with roast beef on the menu” 

Hunith looked at her son “You deserve it my Caraid, but this lump has been spoilt for days now and needs to learn better manners. He has had me making Apple cake every day on the grounds he needs to put on weight!”

Merlin and Arthur smiled at each other knowing full well Hunith would continue to spoil Gwaine as long as he let her. Arthur took Merlin’s things into their bedroom and unpacked leaving Hunith with her son. Gwaine followed Arthur “How is he?” he asked quietly so Merlin couldn’t hear. 

Arthur looked at Gwaine “Could be better, but coping, better than I would have, Merlin is strong. How are you?

Gwaine ran his hands through his hair which was longer than regulation having managed to not have it cut since he had got back. “Could be better but coping.” He gave Arthur a serious look “Merlin took what happened as his fault, it wasn’t but that’s not how he sees it”

“I know” Arthur admitted. “But with all our support he will get through this” Arthur gave up unpacking and threw the bag into the corner. After all what could be in there that Merlin would need. “We are here for you as well, you know that don’t you?”

“I do Princess, but Merlin needs you more. I will give his mum a couple of days with him then I’m getting her to come back to Wales with me. You two need to have time together alone. Me and his mum are important to him, but it is you that will get him through this. We can come back if needed.” Gwaine said honestly. Then to Arthur’s surprise the other man continued “I am jealous you know……. Of what you two have, I never thought I would say that. I’m more a love and leave um type, but when we were captured I couldn’t help but think how nice it must be to have someone waiting for you, he loves you so much you know, and I know you love him.” Gwaine stopped talking then turning away said “But I’m holding you to that drink”

“Gwaine” Arthur called out “Thank you for being there for him, it means a lot………….and you can have your drink we need to celebrate you two being home. In fact you can have more than one!”

“Oh I intend to” Gwaine grinned as he went back to see his almost brother. 

After a lovely meal later they all sat and just enjoyed each other’s company. Then at eight Arthur looked across at Merlin “Come on love it’s been a long day, Lets have an early night”

Merlin looked at Arthur through sleepy eyes “kay……sorry Mum”

“Go and rest Merlin we have all day tomorrow” Hunith told her son “We will sleep better knowing we have you both back. I don’t think any of us has slept properly for a long time.”

Arthur put his arm round Merlin and let the younger man lean on him as they went to their room. Merlin looked at Arthur “I’ll have a full wash in the morning if that’s alright”

“Good idea, come one let’s get to bed” Merlin went in the on suite to have a quick wash and brush his teeth. Arthur went in after him. When Arthur came out Merlin was already in bed. He was wearing an old t shirt and sleeping trousers, which surprised Arthur as they normally slept naked together. Then he realized that Merlin was still wearing a dressing over his sutures on his chest. He had already noticed how Merlin had sat all evening, so he could hide his facial scars. His heart dropped at how they affected Merlin, he needed to understand that his scars made no difference to any of them, but perhaps now was not the time to mention it. He got carefully into bed and got as close to Merlin as he could, very gently putting his arm over Merlin’s waist.  
“Love you” he whispered “This bed has been so empty without you, my life has been so empty” Arthur kissed Merlin gently on the forehead. Not expecting anything but just to hold Merlin as they slept. With Merlin’s injuries and exhaustion everything else would have to wait.

Merlin looked at Arthur studying his face before returning the kiss “I love you to Prat! Just hold me…please”

The medication Merlin was on soon had him falling asleep. Arthur led there just looking at Merlin, taking in the leaner face and the signs of the ordeal he had been through. The scar on his face was on the side Merlin was lying on so hardly visible but although Arthur hated the injury and pain Merlin had been though he had told the truth when he said the scars didn’t matter. All he now need to do was convince Merlin of that fact. As Arthur listened to Merlin’s soft breathes, he to, finally fell asleep.

Twice that night Arthur woke to find Merlin having a nightmare. But each time with gentle reassurance Arthur managed to calm Merlin with the other man barely waking. Merlin was so exhausted after everything that he slept through, with the help of his medication. Merlin woke early the next morning to find Arthur gazing at him. “Hello sleepy head” Arthur said gently squeezing Merlin “Now you are awake do I get a proper cuddle?” 

Merlin was led on his front with his head turned towards Arthur and his arm flung across his husband’s waist. Looking at Arthur Merlin turned over onto his side and grimaced as he did so, the sutures on his side pulling slightly even though he had been careful. Merlin’s hair was tousled from sleep and Arthur found the sight adorable. The blonde carefully gathered Merlin into his arms and got Merlin to rest his head on his chest. The same position they often used to lay in when having a lazy lie in.

“It’s only seven” Arthur said “So we can afford to lie here for a while”

Merlin smiled as the vibration of Arthur’s voice went through his chest. “sgood” he mumbled savoring the comfort he was getting from the normality of the situation.

Arthur ran his hand carefully through Merlin’s hair and placed small kisses on the top of his head. “I could stay here all day”

Arthur felt Merlin smile where he was snuggled in “So could I, can we?”  
Merlin always loved to snuggle up which in a way surprised Arthur at the beginning of their relationship, after all in his job Merlin was a fighter and a strong character. It wasn’t until they had been living together for several months that Arthur realized how Merlin liked to be able to allow Arthur to take the dominate role when at home. Not to say Merlin was a pushover because he wasn’t. It was that softer side to his personality that only Arthur was privileged to see, and he never abused it. Now hopefully Merlin would allow Arthur to help him through the months to come. 

“I see no reason why not, but I expect your mother will expect to see us at some time today” Arthur teased.

The men stayed where they were until Merlin needed to get up “Got to pee” he muttered “Stay there”

Hunith must have heard Merlin up and about as she knocked on the door “Would you boys like breakfast in bed?” she shouted.

“Please Mum” Merlin told her before Arthur had chance to say otherwise. Merlin crept back into bed and got back into Arthur’s arms, hiding his face once more.

Hunith knocked and came in with a tray of tea and toast “I thought toast would be easiest.” Smiling she added “Don’t expect this service every morning” 

Arthur thanked her and promised to get up soon. 

“No need, take your time. Gwaine is coming with me to the shops we will be gone for a couple of hours. Do you need anything?” It was clear Hunith intended to give the men some privacy.

“No thanks Hunith” Arthur told her, then nudging Merlin asked “Nothing you wanted love?”

“No thanks mum” came the muffled reply. Merlin didn’t want to lift his head so his mother could see his face.  
They ate their breakfast then after a cuddle got up. Arthur noticing immediately how stiff Merlin was. “Do you want some help?”

“Nah. I’m ok” Merlin told him as he collected up some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom. He dropped his boxers on the way. After Merlin had been gone a few moments Arthur noticed the boxers on the floor and picked them up and went into the bathroom to hand them to Merlin 

“You dropped thes…..” Arthur started to say as he walked in on Merlin who was stood facing the mirror. He stopped as he saw the old bruising on his husbands back. Merlin’s back was covered in yellow from old bruising from the beating he had undergone, something Arthur hadn’t known about, all the information he had been given had been concentrated on his new injuries. “What the…”

Merlin turned and glared at Arthur “What are you doing in here?!” he demanded.

“You dropped these love” he held up the boxers “What happened to your back?” He moved closer “Merlin….”

Merlin screwed up his face closing his eyes. Then opening them he snatched the boxers from Arthur “It’s nothing, now please leave me in peace”

Seeing his face Arthur turned and walked out, his mind in turmoil, what else was Merlin hiding from him? Just what had happened to him when he was in the hands of his captors? How could he ask without upsetting Merlin?

It was five minutes before Merlin came into the bedroom now dressed any injuries covered. Arthur stood up from where he had been sitting on the bed. His face one of concern and worry. “Merlin I appreciate you don’t want to speak about it, but I need to know, what happened, please don’t make me ask Gwaine”

Merlin stood looking at Arthur as if making up his mind. He knew Arthur to well, if he didn’t tell him Gwaine would, it would be better coming from him. Merlin sat down and patted the bed. Arthur sat beside him. “It’s worse than it looks” he paused “We had make the decision early on to try to escape. One of the boy got the chance but he was caught. To try and stop the others trying again they hit me a few time with a dura, a leather strop”

Arthur was horrified. But Merlin immediate said “It wasn’t that bad they didn’t even break the skin. It was just a warning nothing more. It doesn’t even hurt now.” Merlin was doing his best to minimize Arthur’s concerns, after all that was over now he was home.

Arthur gently turned Merlin slightly then he raised Merlin’s top so he could see his back, lowering the jogging bottoms that Merlin was wearing to see the extent of the bruising. His fingers gently tracing the marks. “The bastards!” he snarled savagely.

“Arthur it was nothing, just stop it!” Merlin said pulling away and readjusting his clothes. Still keeping his face slightly averted. “Just drop it! And don’t mention it to Gwaine, the others felt bad enough as it was.”

Arthur nodded then brokenly asked “What else? ………What else did they do to you?”

Merlin sagged into himself “Nothing ok. Yes we were tied up and not fed much but nothing else happened. My other injuries were my own clumsy fault”

“ No Merlin it was not your fault, none of what happened was!” Arthur insisted “And please look at me. Do you think I care about our face? You could have lost limbs and been scared all over and it wouldn’t make any difference how I feel about you! I love YOU not the external you but the inside you!“

With a gentle and tended hand Arthur carefully turned Merlin’s face towards him and he gently peppered kisses down the exposed scar on Merlin’s face before kissing his lips “The scar reminds me of how lucky I am to have you back, nothing more. Please don’t push me away. If I was scared would it change how you feel about me?”

Both Arthur and Merlin were close to tears. “No!” Merlin said “Of course not!”

“Then don’t hide yourself from me….please”

Merlin rested his forehead on Arthur shoulder “sorry”

The blonde wrapped his arms gently round Merlin and pulled his close and held him “Don’t let what happened change us Merlin…..or they have won” 

As Arthur released Merlin slightly he smiled weakly “Looks like I will get to see you with a stubble. I like it”

Merlin slapped Arthur “I can’t shave my scar and I won’t just leave a patch. The doctors gave me permission to leave it until it’s fully healed.”

“Well then I will have to put up with a rash from kissing you!” Arthur tried to lighten the mood not wanting Merlin to brood. “But Merl don’t hide anything from me. Let me be here for you”

Merlin nodded and then Arthur showered and dressed before they went out to the kitchen to make another cup of tea. Merlin spotted the remains of the Bara Brith and cut a slice “No one makes this like Mum”


	11. Chapter 11

Arthur knew Merlin was trying to change to topic and let him, they had time after all to talk. He had noticed the ribs and backbone of Merlin and how much weight he had clearly lost. Merlin needed to eat and he let him. Once Merlin had eaten his full Arthur made them another cup of tea and they sat together in the lounge just enjoying being together. When Gwaine and Hunith arrived home Arthur got up and made them all a drink.

Merlin took his “What’s this?”

“Coffee made with all milk” Arthur said sternly “You and Gwaine need the calories”

Hunith smiled “Good lad” she told him “And I have doughnuts to go with it”

Merlin looked disgusted “I’ve already had Bara Brith I’m not eating doughnuts”

“Fair enough I’ll have yours” Gwaine said with a grin. They laughed Gwaine’s sweet tooth was legendary almost as legendary as his love of apples. He ruffled Merlin’s hair “I was sent to them and I got Apple doughnuts instead of jam ones.”

Hunith sighed “Alright but you will eat a good dinner, I have some nice lamb chops and I know you all like those.”

Hunith and Gwaine stayed a few days then once the army was happy they decided to go back to Wales. Merlin was sad to see his mother and Gwaine go but Hunith told him “You two need some time together and I can’t stay away from home much longer. I need to get back to normal.” She paused “But ring me please, you know where I am if you need anything”

Before they left Gwaine spoke to Merlin alone and they refused to tell Arthur or Hunith what was said. But it did seem to settle Merlin. The night before they left Morgana and Leon visited and spent the evening with them. Morgana was so pleased to be able to spend time with Merlin and Hunith, Gwaine she didn’t know as well but made sure he didn’t feel left out. Then the next day they all went together to see Hunith and Gwaine off at the station. Going back home Morgana cooked a meal for everyone.

“But after today you are going to have to cook for yourselves” she warned with a smile. “You have both lost weight so make sure you eat well and don’t order in”

Merlin felt guilty that he hadn’t really taken any notice of his husband’s weight except when he first saw him, he had just been too pleased to be home. It hit him then that Arthur must have suffered when he was missing. He had been so wrapped up in his own concerns and memories. “We will” he promised his sister in law.

Later when Morgana was making a coffee Merlin followed her into the kitchen telling Arthur “I’ll help with the cups” once in the kitchen he stood next to Morgana “How was he? When I was missing?”

Morgana looked at Merlin in surprise “How do you think? He was in bits, he didn’t sleep, eat or go to work much.” Then she saw Merlin’s face as the soldier looked at her

“I have been so wrapped up in my own misery I didn’t think” he had a tear running down his face, it was the first time Morgana had ever seen her brother-in-law cry. Moving towards him she hugged him.

“That’s not surprising, you’ve been through hell. You both have” she paused then added “But you need to know he’s suffered as well, and he won’t tell you. He hasn’t been to work at all for weeks. He had a big bust up with Uther” Morgana gave a small smile “Long overdue if you ask me”

“He’s been sacked?” Merlin whispered 

“No nor has he resigned. I think they are both waiting for the other one to back down. I know Arthur wants to stay with you for now, he needs it, just to satisfy himself you are really home” she paused “You both need time to sort yourselves out. But Merlin you have always been stronger together you WILL get through this. Just make sure you talk, let him in Merlin.” Morgana made the drinks and smiled “Come on let’s get back or they will be wondering what we’re up to.”

Merlin took Morgana’s words to heart and over the next days made an effort. Arthur went with him for his check-ups and even asked if he could stay as he had the stitches out of his chest. That was strange as he had tried to protect Arthur from what had happened. But when asking Arthur he found Arthur needed to know, that way he felt he could help Merlin more. Merlin realized that Arthur needed to feel in control, as he always had been on their home life and that in ‘protecting’ Arthur he was making things worse. In one memorable night they had both had a nightmare, Merlin about watching his men be beheaded and Arthur had a repeat of finding Merlin’s head on the pillow beside him. They had hugged each other for the rest of the night. After that they both agreed to co-operate with having counselling.

Merlin raised the subject of Uther and work Arthur looked at his husband “I am not going back to work! Not until you are better”

“You should talk to your father, let him know” Merlin insisted “You would if your boss wasn’t family”

“Merlin he was …………you can’t believe him, He was so cold when you….” Arthur looked at Merlin “I can’t forgive him” 

Merlin rolled his eyes “You Pendragons! Remember how emotionally constipated you were when we met? You only have one parent Arthur, do you want to lose all contact with him? Look if you want to quit then quit, if not pick up the phone. I am tough enough to put up with him”

Arthur looked at Merlin and the younger man saw a challenge in the blonde’s eye “OK I will but only if you let me drive you to Wales to see Mordred and Pellinore’s families. I heard what Gwaine said they want to see you”


	12. Chapter 12

After getting a reluctant agreement from Merlin Arthur picked up the phone the next morning, not able to get hold of him he made an appointment via his father’s PA. Then ranted at Merlin “What sort of father do you call that when I have to make an appointment to see him!”

Merlin shrugged “He’s your father, what’s new? He is also your boss, perhaps he just feels it is better this way. Anyway better you see him face to face than over the phone. He can’t murder you at work can he?”

Arthur stomped of to change and came back in one of his bespoke Saville Row suit with a red silk tie, his shoes having an almost impossible shine, something Merlin knew all about with his dress shoes. Merlin smirked “I forgot how good you look in a suit, not that you don’t look good in casual.”

“I am not going to work in casual wear Merlin!” Arthur shock his head. Nor admitting it was good to be dressed properly for a change. He always liked wearing a good suit.

Merlin went up to kiss the blonde “Do you what me to come, for moral support?” not waiting for an answer he noticed Arthur’s tie pin. “Where did you get that?”

“Where do you think idiot?” Arthur smirked looking down at the symbol of the Welsh Regiment, the three plumes in silver. Gold and white and blue enamel “I got them made ago intending to wear them when you came back.”

“Them?”

Arthur stretched out his arm and showed off the matching cuff links. “I wanted to show how proud I am off you”

“You rich ponce! You know you could have got cheaper once of the regiment if you had asked” Merlin was secretly pleased at Arthur support.

“I know but I wasn’t about to wear base metal and they told me where I could get these” Arthur took Merlin by the shoulders and kissed him “I wanted to show my support”

Merlin knew that Arthur wasn’t happy about his occupation and that he had gone that far as to wear his regiment badge both shocked and pleased him. “You might want to change your mind about wearing them today, your father will see it as me interfering.” 

“Sod him, you are a hero and I’m damned if I will cow down to him” he smirked again “I am doing this at your request so don’t push it. See you later and don’t try to do too much while I’m gone” with that he picked up his car keys and left.

Merlin sat and waited, hoping the meeting would go well, much as he disliked Uther he was Arthur’s only living parent. And he didn’t want them to be estranged.

Arthur arrived at the office in plenty of time and the minute he was in the building he was surrounded by people asking after Merlin. Also telling him how he had been missed. After chatting for a few minutes he made his way to the top floor and his father’s office. His father’s secretary let him in. Arthur walked in and standing in front of his father’s desk waited to be given permission to sit. He always felt like a naughty schoolboy when he went to his father’s office, but knew all the employees who were ever called here felt the same.

His father spoke without even looking up “Sit down”

Arthur sat in the chair placed there for him, crossing his legs he waited in silence for his father to look up.

“You asked for his appointment, I assume it’s to arrange your long overdue return to work” his father made it more a statement than a question.  
“I asked for this appointment because It was the only way I could speak to you Sir” Arthur said bluntly. He never called his father anything but Sir at work.

“I’m a busy man, especially as my Vice President decided to take months off of work for personal reasons” the last two words were spat out in distaste. “Well you’re here so speak”

Arthur found himself bristling with anger, he was still not recovered from the past few months and couldn’t believe the man in front of him could be so cold. “I am here because my husband asked me to speak to you, he seems to think that as we are father and son we might need to talk.” He stopped to control himself “As to me returning to work, I know you have had Leon act up to VP. Merlin is still recovering so I won’t be back full time yet, although I am willing to come in a few hours a week. At the moment I am needed more by Merlin”

Uther looked ready to spit feathers “I had no choice! Mr. Knight knew what was happening with your work load but he is far from ideal. As for your domestic arrangements I am sure you can make other ones, you are needed back at your desk and I expect you to be there at eight thirty tomorrow morning. As A soldier I am sure the Army can supply the ‘help’ needed. Even if it means your Lieutenant moves back to barracks. Pendragon's is not a charity, speak to the regiment.” He looked at Arthur his eyes narrowing as he saw the tie pin. “That’s over the top don’t you think”

Arthur glared at his father “No more than your old school tie, I am proud of my husband, and I will not ask someone else to give him the support he needs at this time” he reached into his jacket pocket “I thought you would be unreasonable so here is my resignation. I will not work my notice, over the years you have had enough extra hours out of me and you can keep any money due. I had noticed you stopped my salary already.”

“What are you talking about you can’t leave just like that, this company will be yours one day. Take that back” Uther pointed to the envelope Arthur and put in front of him “Stop being a fool and throwing your life away over some stupid idea, just turn up tomorrow and we will say no more”

“No it’s for the best. I will never be the person you want me to be. Find someone else after all I have always been a disappointment to you.” Arthur told his father sadly.

“Don’t be a fool! What will you do? No I will not accept this” Uther was going red. “How will you earn a living? I will make sure you don’t get a similar position on the industry if you step out of that door”

“To be honest this is probably the most sensible thing I have ever done. You can’t accept me for who I am, you won’t accept the man that I love as my husband. As for what I’ll do I have no idea yet, but I’m sure I will find something. I have mother’s money to fall back on I am hardly a pauper. Hell I could not work again if I didn’t want to! I am proud of Merlin, far prouder of him than I am of you. He asked me to speak to you, he wanted us to settle our differences even though he knows you will never accept him. Merlin is a far better man than you will ever be. I won’t contact you again father, but you know where I am if you ever change your mind, or at least Morgana will know.” Arthur stood up and walked to the door as he opened it he turned “Do your worse Uther Pendragon I’m sure all your ‘friends’ will be only to pleased to listen to you running down a National hero, who was injured doing his duty to the country. I will clear my desk today. Goodbye” 

Arthur walked out and strode past the secretary who had clearly heard everything. The rumor machine would soon be at work. He walked along to his office and unlocked it. It took him five minutes to put all his personal effects in a spare briefcase and the collected the spare suit and shirt he kept there and then knocked on Leon’s door. “Hello Leon, I have just handed in my notice, Uther should give you my old job, if he does, and you want it, take it. I won’t be back. If you don’t and you want a reference I will gladly give you one. Or maybe a job I when I decide what I am going to do”

Not waiting for the surprised man to speak Arthur turned and left the building he had worked in since he had left University and had never felt so free. Now to go home and tell Merlin! He had spoken to his father but somehow he didn’t think it had gone how Merlin would have hoped. But he could no longer live this life, his life had been changed forever by what had happened and how his father had reacted.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur called Lance before he went home, he had come to like and respect the man during all the help he had given both him, and Merlin since he had returned. “Lance I am hoping to take Merlin to Wales for Christmas, he has agreed to go and see Mordred and Pellinore’s families. Is there any problem with that or do I need to get permission. I do realize Merlin is still under Army orders so to speak” 

Getting confirmation it would be alright as long as someone, either Arthur or Merlin called in each day, after all Merlin’s medical team were keen for him to face the past and had discussed it with Arthur already. That was why Arthur had pushed it with his husband. Arthur knew they needed to be back in five days for Merlin’s next appointment and Morgana’s New Year party. Arthur then drove home and when he got there he found Morgana visiting. 

Merlin looked up as Arthur walked in. “How did it go love?”

Arthur went across and kissed the top of Merlin’s head then went to the drinks cabinet and poured himself a whiskey before sitting down. He looked at his sister “I suppose you just as well know as well.” He took a drink “I am now unemployed, I handed in my notice”

Both Merlin and Morgana looked shocked “Why!?” Merlin gasped  
“About time” was Morgana’s comment

Looking at his husband Arthur said calmly “Because that man is a bigoted and blind fool. He still doesn’t accept our marriage and told me I was to return to work tomorrow and either get you paid help or move you back to barracks. I didn’t expect anything else so I wrote out my resignation last night.” Arthur looked at his sister “I hope Leon gets the VP post if he doesn’t and he wants to move on I will give him a glowing reference”

Merlin looked at Arthur “What will you do? Are you sure?”

Arthur smiled at Merlin “Nothing for now, just make sure we both get over what has happened then I will give it some thought. And yes I’m sure, I no longer want to work for Pendragon’s and will not have anything more with Uther unless he contacts us and apologizes” then grinning he continued “Don’t look like that I won’t need to be a kept man. I told you before we married I have money”

“I’m not worried about the money! We get enough to live of my wages if needed, maybe not in your style, and no more Armani and Saville row” Merlin grinned apologetically.

“You mean you don’t know what Arthur is worth!” Morgana said even more shocked

“He didn’t want to know Morgs” Arthur told her with a smirk “Merlin always said money wasn’t important. He married me for my good looks and charm” 

Morgana looked at Merlin and shook her head “You mean you don’t know you are married to a multi-millionaire?”

Merlin’s mouth fell open and Arthur glared this sister “Why should he, Merlin has always been independent I wasn’t going to let the money get in the way and the idiot might have refused to marry me out of some sort of honour if he had known”

“Damn right Pendragon, Just how much are you worth?” Merlin snapped not liking being caught on the wrong foot. 

“About fifteen million” Arthur admitted “It was from my mother. When she realized she was pregnant she made a will leaving everything to her unborn child. I bought this place and have hardly touched the rest as I was earning a six figure sum. So I guess if I don’t want to I needn’t work again.”

Merlin looked thoughtful “You need to speak to your father, even if you aren’t going to work with him, I wanted you to sort out your problems not walk away from them” 

“That won’t work Merlin, unless we split and I’m not doing that!” Arthur protested

“He’s right Merlin, Uther is unmovable when he sets his mind on something. To be honest I would rather Leon quit as well, but that’s up to him. But I’ve had enough of Uther, I think Arthur is right and it’s the best thing he could have done and I’m proud of him.” Morgana’s eyes flashed in anger. “Don’t feel sorry for him, he is an uncaring and manipulative bastard. He always has been, unless he can control everything and everybody he isn’t happy. He made Arthur’s life hell growing up” she stood up and hugged her half-brother. “Now I’m off home and leave you to it”

After Morgana had gone Arthur looked at Merlin “I thought we could drive to Wales tomorrow, stay with your mum for a couple of days over Christmas. You don’t have another appointment for a while the break will do us good. Then after we can do those visits.”

“I agreed to do them if you spoke to your dad, not if you walked away from him!” Merlin said “I don’t think that counts”

“Yes it does, I wasn’t going to let him push me about, and you are the most important thing to me Merlin. Thinking I might lose you nearly killed me. Anyway we both need more time to recover, please do this for us, you know you have to face this sometime.” He looked at his husband’s stubborn face, “I’m changing out of this suit, and we can talk later, now we can sit and watch a film and eat something, I’ll make us some sandwiches I’m starving”

The two men at their lunch and then sat and relaxed. As the film finished Arthur went to the fridge and got out the pot of cream then held out his hand to Merlin “Come on I’ve seen you scratching, time to put some cream on those scars.” 

Merlin muttered under his breath but followed Arthur into the bedroom. Before he had chance to say anything. Arthur made him sit and then slowly and gently took of Merlin’s shirt to expose his chest “Lie down” he ordered

“I can do it myself you know!” 

“I know you can, but I want to” Arthur told him firmly. “I’ve told you I want to be involved” then he grinned wickedly “Do I really need an excuse to see your chest?” 

Merlin was still reluctant to let Arthur see his worse scar, but Arthur and the doctors had suggested he let Arthur apply the cream. That way Arthur would get used to it and Merlin would become less self-conscious. With the stitches gone the scar was red and raised but exposed. As the healing continued it itched and applying cold cream helped both to stop the itching and help soften the scar. 

Arthur knelt by the side of Merlin as he lay back on the bed. Gently he kissed the raven haired man starting at the scar on this face going down to his neck then pecked small kisses the length of the large scar on his torso once finished he opened the pot and smeared a good quantity on his fingers “This will be cold” he warned as he started to gently massage the scars as he had been show by the nurses.

Merlin led and looked out of the window trying to ignore the feelings he was getting of both shame and disgust, he really wasn’t sure how Arthur coped touching the scars let alone kissing them. As Arthur moved up to the facial scars he gently made Merlin look at him “Please love don’t look like that, I keep telling you they do not mean anything to me besides show me how brave you are and how close I came to losing you, they are a sign that we are meant to be together, not parted”

With that Arthur kissed Merlin gradually deepening the kiss as Merlin relaxed. After a lazy but very satisfying session of love making the two men fell asleep next to each other. 

Later they got up showered and made a meal together before packing to go to Hunith’s for Christmas. Neither man quite believing that the next day was Christmas Eve. Merlin packed his Uniform as, despite arguing with Arthur, he was intending to visit both the families as well as the graves. He knew it was something he needed to do, he had had enough therapy sessions to realise that. Besides he owed it to the two dead men. 

They were up early and after a quick breakfast set off. Although Merlin still had some pain from his wounds they were hoping to just drive through without a stop. Arthur’s car was large and comfortable. Although Merlin needed to pad the seat belt where it crossed over his recent injury. He also took a couple of painkillers to be sure. Morgana was phoned and they promised to be back for her New Year party and keep in touch. 

Hunith was overjoyed to see them. Originally she had planned to visit them but both her and Arthur felt it might be better to get Merlin away for a time. Gwaine of course was already there. As they arrived Hunith greeted them at the door and they were soon inside. Hunith had a meal waiting for them so after half an hour to get over the journey they all sat down together to eat. 

“Gwaine helped me pick a tree and we can decorate it this afternoon” Hunith told her son. “Gwaine got everything down out of the roof earlier.” 

The afternoon was spent doing just that, the normality of it settled Merlin and he and Gwaine sorted out the tea as was custom when they were home for Christmas. While the two men were busy Hunith turned to Arthur “How have you both been?”

Arthur told her about quitting work and then added “Just as well we need the time together. This whole thing took more out of both of us than we realised. Merlin is going to see Mordred and Pellinore’s families once Christmas is over, he needs closure”

Hunith looked pleased “It will be hard on him but he needs to do it, not only for him but for them. I have seen both families, they don’t blame Merlin, but they want something other than the official story. Merlin was of course with them when it happened”

Arthur nodded “I will drive him over on the 27th, let everyone have their holiday first.”

Hunith pulled a face “Go on Boxing Day, they know you are coming here, the families won’t be doing much celebrating. Pellinore’s children are too young to make waiting any sense, and I think it will do Ann good. Gwaine has seen both families since he has been back.” Hunith advised. 

They stopped talking as Gwaine and Merlin came in with the sandwiches and snacks and put them on the coffee table. Merlin grinned at Arthur “The only day besides Christmas day that food is allowed to be eaten in here. I always feel naughty”

“Well as you know we always had to eat in the dining room” Arthur looked pensive for a second.

Hunith looked at her son in law “I’m sure you will make up Arthur, give your father time”

“It will be until hell freezes over, anyway I have all the family I need with you and my sister. Hunith you have been like a mother to me and I need no one else” Arthur was sincere. He had never had a good relationship with his father, and it wasn’t until he met Merlin and saw his relationship with his mother that he had realized just how badly his own family dynamics had been. He was just pleased he had had Morgana.

Gwaine gave Arthur a look “You do realize Princess that as Merlin is my brother you get me in that package as well”

“Well every family has a black sheep” Arthur quipped. Then the blonde said seriously “Anyway Gwaine you looked out for him and supported him when I wasn’t there so I suppose I can put up with you”

Arthur and Merlin turned in early, the traveling had tired Merlin and it didn’t take him long to fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Merlin woke up the next morning to find Arthur looking at him. The blonde gave him a smile and look of love that made Merlin blush as he bent to kiss him. “Happy Christmas love”

Merlin returned the kiss “And a Happy Christmas to you” after kissing a few more times Merlin grinned “Up you get, don’t bother to get dressed yet just put your joggers and t shirt on. Mum will already be up and so will Gwaine. We are like big kids in this house at Christmas”

Merlin got out of bed and threw on a t shirt and sleeping pants. “We have a cup of tea, open the presents and then have breakfast before we get dressed.”

It was then that Arthur realized that he had never spent Christmas day at Merlin’s childhood home before. He felt guilty and his face fell. Merlin prodded him. “Less of that. We haven’t had chance before. I was on postings for two of the Christmas’s on duty ceremonial duty for another and we went to your dads for the other”

Arthur frowned “You a mind reader now?”

“Yeah, but then you have always been easy to read, why do you think Gwaine always beats you at poker?” Merlin said jokingly

“Because he cheats?” came the comeback

“He does, he’s made a fortune out of the lads, good job we play for sweets. Anyway with a face like yours he doesn’t need to. Come on lets go down stairs. Or Gwaine will open the pressies without us”It was nice to see Merlin so happy so Arthur did as he was asked and they went downstairs and found Hunith and Gwaine at the kitchen table drinking tea. Gwaine looked up “What time do you call this?”

Arthur looked at the clock “Seven thirty”  
“I was going to start without you but the old dragon wouldn’t let me” Gwaine looked at Hunith and grinned as she smacked him round the ear

“Dragon if you like, but I’m not too old to keep you under control young man!” Hunith told her surrogate son. 

Hunith poured out two more cups of tea from the pot and gave then to Merlin and Arthur. Merlin took a sip “Ahh nothing like tea made with tea leaves and proper welsh water”

Arthur shook his head fondly, he secretly agreed with his husband but still insisted on teabags at home, he couldn’t be bothered with loose leaves.  
Gwaine stood up “Come on pressie time” and he went into the living room.

The others followed and sat down on the chairs. Merlin and Arthur next to each other. Gwaine sat on the floor by the tree and started to hand out the presents. He was like a child and clearly enjoyed the whole Christmas experience. “If only your troop could see you now” Arthur quipped

Merlin gave a rueful smile “They wouldn’t be surprised, when we were on postings he made the men put their gifts in a heap and he gave them out them. Anyone who declined was given the worse duties, if he out ranked them.”

Once all the presents were unwrapped they made their way into the kitchen where Gwaine and Merlin cooked the breakfast together. They had a smaller version of a full Welsh breakfast with thick bacon rasher, local sausage, black pudding, egg, mushrooms, tomatoes and Laver bread. Due to the Christmas dinner they left off the cockles and smoked fish. After breakfast Arthur and Gwaine washed up while Merlin and his mother tidied up the debris from the lounge from their present opening. Sitting down with another cup of tea Arthur offered to help with the Christmas dinner.

“No need son, all the preparation was done yesterday, it kept Gwaine out of mischief. All I have to do is cook it.” Hunith smiled 

“Once I’ve drunk this I’m having a shower and getting dressed” Merlin said. Then he looked at Arthur “Just casual ok, no ties. In fact you can wear the jumper mum made you.”

Gwaine laughed “That’s another Christmas tradition, silly Christmas jumpers, we already have several. They only come off if it gets to warm. Oh and don’t forget the musical socks”

Merlin looked at his mother “Arthur is used to wearing formal gear at Christmas and very formal dinners served up by ‘staff’” 

Arthur blushed “Not by choice, your Christmas sounds much more fun. Although I’m not sure about the socks!”

Hunith laughed “These two have never grown up, Gwaine spent most of his Christmas’s here and they have always been the same, them and Will.” She looked pensive for a moment as Merlin gave her a quick hug,

“We all miss him Mum, but he wouldn’t want us to mope at Christmas, he would have hated that. I bet the mad fool is organizing some sort of mayhem where ever he is now” 

Gwaine snorted “Do you remember when he took a whoopy cushion into midnight mass and put it on Old Man Symonds pew.”

Hunith glared at him “Yes and the year after you put cod liver oil capsules in the heaters and stank the whole church out. I haven’t been able to go to midnight mass since”

Once Arthur had stopped laughing he turned to Hunith “Next year I’ll go with you and we’ll leave these two here”

They went upstairs and when they came back Gwaine was wearing a jumper with a very drunk Reindeer on. Merlin has a robin and Arthur had a snowman. Arthur was surprised to see Hunith in a shirt and blouse “Where is your jumper?” He demanded

Hunith smiled “I’m in and out of the kitchen dear so I am exempt but I do have to wear these” She held up some plastic and fabric reindeer horns “Besides I have to knit the jumpers each year.”

“Fair comment but next year I’m getting you something festive to wear” Arthur grinned.

They put on the television and watched some films Hunith disappeared every so often to do something in the kitchen. Arthur followed her in at one stage to make some coffee. While he was with Hunith she gave him a hug “Thank you for looking after him so well, it can’t be easy, but he seems a lot less self-conscious about his face now.”

“He is” Arthur admitted “Unless strangers are about. I keep telling him his scars are not important, they just show how brave he was, and how lucky I am to have him back” he paused “He hasn’t said anything about what happens next?”  
“You mean about his career?” Hunith asked

Arthur nodded “I keep hoping they will discharge him, is that selfish of me?”

“No, and I hope the same, but after the holidays you need to talk to him, maybe you could start something together?” Hunith suggested “That’s if you don’t make it up with your father”

“I won’t go back to work for him whatever. It was like a weight was lifted from me when I handed in my notice. I’ll give it some thought, come on lets go back or they’ll start asking questions.” Arthur picked up the tray and carried it into the others.

Arthur couldn’t remember enjoying a Christmas dinner so much, nor could he remember being so full or wearing a silly paper hat and reading out ridiculous jokes. His father Christmas Crackers had been far more staid, having been handmade and the gifts handpicked. After lunch they all went out for a walk, another tradition. Getting back they watched the Queens Christmas Broadcast before they all got stuck in and washed up. Once everything was put away they had another cup of tea and sat down to play board games. Arthur found that the idea was to cheat as much as you could without being found out! They laughed so much by the end of the afternoon they were all holding their ribs.

After watching the news Hunith went and set the table with cold meats and other delights. She expected them to eat well. Merlin grinned “Now you know why we dress casually, allows for an expanding waistline!”

The evening was spent watching old films before finally turning into bed. “That was the nicest Christmas I have ever had” Arthur admitted as they went upstairs. 

“I told you, you’d like it” Merlin slurred, he was slightly tipsy but nor drunk.


	15. Chapter 15

It was midmorning before anyone was up the next day. Hunith was first and at ten thirty bought everyone tea in bed before going downstairs to make breakfast. Once more the men all went down stairs in their sleep clothes, in Arthur and Merlin’s case after putting them on, as they slept nude. After breakfast they went up to dress and it was them that Arthur suggested they visit the families and the graves

“Your mum says they know you are going to be here, you need to face this and move one Merl, and I’ll be with you every step of the way”  
To his surprise Merlin didn’t argue but nodded sadly “You’re right” he paused and Arthur could see him biting his lower lip before he spoke again “It terrifies me, more than facing the Afghan army. I let them down and got men killed”

Arthur tool Merlin’s hands in his “You did everything and more Merlin, you let no one down”

Merlin squared his shoulder and went to his suitcase and lifted it onto the bed, Opening it he took out his uniform. Looking up at Arthur “I bought it, I knew I had to do this, I just need to run an iron over it”

Arthur gave a smile of encouragement “Well I’ll give your shoes and extra polish” he offered.

Within the hour Merlin was dressed in his uniform and with Arthur went to the door His Mum hugged him and as he went to leave Gwaine stopped Merlin “I’ve been already, they understand and they will appreciate this. There are some flowers in the outhouse for the graves” 

Merlin nodded his thanks and waked out to the car and got in silently. Arthur got in and started the car and they drove in silence after Merlin told Arthur “Families first then graves please”

Arthur had directions form Hunith and they were soon at the first house. It was the home of Pellinore’s widow and children. “Stay in the car Arthur please” Merlin got out and walked up the path. It was the longest walk of his life. His hands were sweaty and he wanted to run but he raised his hand and rang the bell. As the door opened he saw his dead comrades widow and tears threatened to flow but seeing who it was she gave him a weak smile “It’s good to see you come in” 

It was an hour before the door opened and Merlin came out, the widow followed him and looked into the car “I am sorry Arthur you would have been welcome had I known you were here”

“I know, but better I kept out of the way” Arthur said. He had got to know the woman well whilst they had waited for news of the men. 

“Merlin please keep in touch and remember we don’t blame you, and thank you for being with him at the end.” Lucy Pellinore said. Both she and Merlin had clearly shed a tear together.

“I’m just sorry it has taken me so long” Merlin said “And thank you” he said no more but it was clear they had made some sort of peace. He gave her a hug. “I will visit the graves once I have seen Mr. and Mrs. Evans”

Arthur looked across “We will be in touch and don’t forget anything we can do”

The woman nodded and then went back inside her house. Arthur looked at Merlin “You OK”

Merlin nodded “It was hard, especially the kids. But you were right they understood, they are tougher than me. I will keep in touch now” he looked at Arthur “I don’t know about the Evan’s Mordred was their only child, no parent expects to live longer than their child” 

“They’ll understand Merlin” Arthur hoped as he said it that they would. With that they drove down the road a mile before once more Merlin got out of the car. “You sure you don’t want me to come?” Arthur asked

“No you stay here” Merlin disappeared once more. 

The talk with Mr. and Mrs. Evans was also hard on Merlin but they also realized that their son’s death had not been down to Merlin. They had a small shrine of photos and his campaign medals on display. “We weren’t keen on him enlisting but what else was there around here for him, we knew it might come down to this one day. But he wouldn’t be dissuaded. Gwaine told us you did everything even offering your own life in exchange” Mr. Evan’s told Merlin. “Tell us, we know you were with him at the end did he know?”

Merlin steadied his breathing “He knew he was going to die yes, but like me I think he thought he was going to be shot. In fact I don’t think he ever knew how he died, it was very quick he couldn’t have felt a thing. He asked me to say he loved you both. I have never met such a brave young man it was an honour to serve with him” 

Mordred’s mother was crying at this point. “He was our only child you know. If it hadn’t been for the other families support…….” Her voice tailed off.

“If there is anything I can ever help you with just call me” Merlin handed them a card with his contact details on. “I am truly very sorry”

Mr. Evans looked at Merlin “You didn’t get away with it either did you lad? This will live with you forever. But please we don’t blame you, the army maybe for sending you lads out to that god forsaken place but not you. Our son died doing what he loved and thinking he made a difference. Thank you for visiting us”

“I just wish I hadn’t had to” Merlin said “I will visit the grave, I have seen Mrs Drew already”

“Ai that poor lass has two young uns. We see her sometimes, in fact we know several of the families who had dead or injured from the crash as well. Most of the lads came from this area. I know your mother well.” Mrs. Evans paused “Don’t blame yourself, please live for the boys who didn’t make it. Make your survival worthwhile, I told Gwaine the same thing.”

Merlin went back to the car feeling drained and exhausted. He had one more thing to do. Arthur drove silently up to the grave yard. It was easy to see where the new graves were, Not only Mordred and Pellinore buried there but also three of the men who died in the crash. The Welsh regiment had so many men in from the local area it wasn’t surprising. Merlin removed a couple of flowers from the wreaths for the other men and promised to return with more. He stood at each of the headstones for a few minutes before moving on to the next one. At Mordred and Pellinore’s he placed the wreaths. In each man’s case he remembered them but with the last to he couldn’t help but remember how they died. As he stood there his husband walked to his side and offered silent support. After a time Arthur spoke “Come on Merl time to get you back, your mum will be worried.”

For the rest of the day Merlin was silent and clearly affected. But at the same time Arthur couldn’t help but think the visits had done Merlin good, allowed him to have some sort of closure, even if he would never forget what happened and still had a long way to go before he could fully cope with what had happened. The rest of the time at Hunith’s was quiet but gradually Merlin started to open up more.

They were all going back to London for the New Year at Morganas request, although Merlin didn’t want to go to the party he went. It would have upset everyone if he had refused. He even managed to reasonably cheerful, it was his first big event since his return. Merlin wasn’t fooling everyone especially Arthur who continued to worry about his husband. In the weeks that followed Merlin had several sessions with his councilor and also met up with his commanding officer. It was after this meeting that Arthur sat Merlin down for a talk.


	16. Chapter 16

Arthur looked at Merlin before speaking, he knew he needed to broach the subject but was unsure what reaction it would get. “Merlin what’s going on?…..with you and the army”

Merlin’s face closed down “What do you mean?” he demanded

Arthur took his husbands hand “I know you have met with your commanding officer. I would just like to know what is happening. Is that too much to ask?”

Merlin pulled his hand from Arthur’s and stood up and went to the window. He was silent for a time then said brokenly “I don’t know, they say I have P.T.S.D., I was asked what I wanted to do” he turned and Arthur saw tears in the other man’s eyes. “I have done everything they wanted me to do!” his voice started to rise. “He suggested a desk job! The army is my life Arthur! I’m a soldier not a clerk” Merlin was clearly angry, something that had been happening a lot since his return

Arthur stood and walked to Merlin’s side and wrapped his arms around the other man, he kept silent waiting to see if Merlin would say anymore. He did after a while. “I don’t know what to do, that’s all I know, and I’m nothing without the army”

Arthur turned Merlin to face him “You will never be nothing Merlin, you are a brave and wonderful man who happens to serve in the Army. You are loved and wanted by so many people. Would you really want to go back into a war zone after what happened? Just be honest, don’t punish yourself for what happened it wasn’t your fault but there is no guarantee something similar wouldn’t happen again.” Arthur paused and looked deep into Merlin’s eyes “I for one couldn’t live through that again. I thought I was going to lose you!” 

He pulled Merlin into a hug waiting for Merlin to start to relax, at the same time letting himself break a bit “I can’t lose you Merlin you mean more to me than my own life.”

Merlin hugged Arthur back “I’m sorry……I didn’t think….” His anger gone as quickly as it had come.

Arthur looked at Merlin “Love I know you went through hell, I understand how much your men mean to you. But your mother and I we also went through hell not knowing. So did your friends. But if you were to leave on active service again, if I had to watch you walk away, not knowing if you would come back…….” Arthur hesitated “I can’t ask you not to do what you need to…..whatever. I knew you were a soldier when I married you. But don’t think it’s the end, even if you decide to leave the army. We could start up something together. After all I am unemployed”

They held each other until Arthur moved with Merlin to the sofa and sat down, he held onto Merlin “We could spend more time together love, we don’t even need to work if we don’t want to. I want you to get stronger, give yourself time to get over everything, me as well. I feel like I have been through a ringer these past months. Let’s give yourselves time then we can think things through.” He snorted “I can’t see you behind a desk either.”

They just sat together and then Arthur realized that the emotionally drained Merlin had fallen asleep. Carefully making them as comfortable as he could Arthur relaxed into Merlin making sure the younger man’s head was rested on his shoulder. Then he to drifted off to sleep knowing that at least they had been able to be honest with each other. Arthur woke up stiff and uncomfortable. Realizing they had been asleep for a couple of hours he tried to get up without waking Merlin but was unsuccessful. Merlin groaned and opened his eyes.

“Hello sleepyhead, I’m going to make us a drink and get supper on” Arthur told Merlin as he looked up.

“I need a pee” Merlin said getting up and walking out. When he came back he walked into the kitchen and grabbing his mug of coffee Merlin took a swig, then putting it down on the table walked up to Arthur who was preparing some vegetables and put his hands around Arthur’s waist. “I’m sorry Arthur I never thought about what you and Mum went through, not properly. I was so lost in my own problems”

Arthur stopped what he was doing and turned in Merlin’s arms “I know love, I didn’t mean it that way, I just don’t want you to go fighting again. I know I said I could cope but I can’t not now”

Merlin looked at Arthur “Then I won’t try, it was selfish of me. I love you to much to hurt you. But I can’t sit behind a desk, it would drive me nuts, how you do it I don’t know” he admitted

“I’m not sure now, Father’s expectations I suppose, I so wanted to make him proud. But when I handed in my notice it was like a weight had been lifted.” Arthur smiled “Now let me finish this and then we will talk more.”

As they ate that’s what they did, this time Arthur was more honest realizing he had to be. They decided to go on a long holiday as soon as Merlin had worked off any notice and then decide what to do. They decided on an early night.

The next morning Arthur rang Lance “I want to take Merlin away on holiday, we need the time away together, to have a break. We both have things we need to decide about our futures” 

Two hours later Lance rang back “That’s fine as long as you don’t go for longer than three weeks. I have also spoken to the doctors who would like to see Merlin before you go. Everyone seems to think it will do you both good. Please let me know where you are going and get in touch should you need to”

Within a week Arthur and Merlin were off to the continent intending to travel around some of their favorite haunts, starting with Paris. Arthur decided it would be best if they remained closer to home in case they needed to return. So after telling Hunith and Morgana the two men set off. They both knew they had a long way to go before they could come to terms with what had happened but it was something they would do together.  
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................  
Part two the couples return and how they cope with the changes and start of their new lives to follow in ‘Together as One’


End file.
